After three years of not seeing you and one year of not speaking to you, I felt such a sense of relief to hear your voice over voicemail. Suddenly, I broke into tears because the worry I had felt for so long was gone because I knew you were safe. That’s all I have wondered about as your big sister. I wondered if you were okay and if you were healthy.
As amazing as it feels to be reconnected with you, I feel a sense of worry in the back of my mind that this could happen again. I would feel heartbroken. I am still not healed emotionally from when you left three years ago and stopped talking to all of us for a year. I may never heal from that. I will never be the same after that. I feel like I have to protect my heart in case this happens again, because I can’t handle a heartache like that again. Even though we are reconnected again, it feels like you’re a stranger now, and it feels odd catching up with you. We grew up together, and yet I don’t know you anymore because of the years we missed. I feel my chosen family — my best friends — knows me better than you do at this point. I feel like I have to feel comfortable enough with you again to tell you what’s happening with me.
Please understand that it’s hard for me to tell you how I feel about this situation because I am still trying to process my feelings on all of this. I’m trying to pick up the pieces the best I can with the help of my chosen family, who helps me deal with all of this. I feel that hopefully we can start to rebuild a sibling bond. It will take time and understanding. I feel if we work on it, we could get to a place of understanding and growth. Since you have reconnected with the family, I’ve felt so many feelings. But overall, I am grateful that you felt like it was time to reach out, for whatever reason. Please know that I have and always felt nothing but love for you, now until the rest of my life. I will always have your back, whether you’re in my life or not.
This is what it felt like to reconnect with my estranged brother.