This Is Where I Leave You

“I wonder when he will come around again.” It’s something that is so ridiculous for me to still think about,yet this is where my thoughts wander late at night.

You know how that saying goes “they always come back,” but do they actually?

In my case, they do. It has been years, and even if we do go months without talking, you always manage to find your way back to me. At first, I thought it was because it was meant to be. Silly me, right? Typical love story where guy leaves, realizes girl is the love of his life, and comes back. But not all sappy love stories are like that.

Now, as so many years have gone by, I realize that is never going to be my story, never going to be us. You don’t come back because you love me. You come back because you know I will take you back, because it’s easy—it’s familiar. You know just how much I love you, and I won’t lie, I know most of the time it is my own fault for allowing you to come back. I should be strong, right? Put my foot down and say, “No, that’s enough,” but I am not there yet.

I mean, this whole thing is just so wrong, so toxic.

I want you to leave me alone. To never speak to me again. Yet here I am, checking my phone for a text from a number that is no longer saved to my phone. A number that I have memorized through all these years, through all of the fights and all of the times I have sworn you off for good.

A number I know too well. A number that won’t be so easily forgotten.

I am not over you, and I am fine admitting to that. For now. My heart still skips a beat when I hear your name, and I still don’t know how to act when I run into you. But this is where I leave you. This is where I leave all of your memories behind. This is where I decide that it is time for us both to move on. To close this chapter. This is where I move forward.