An Apology To Britney Spears

Dear Britney,

Today I was trolling the internet and I saw a picture of you from the “I’m totally insane” period of your life. You were sitting at a nail salon, or maybe a restaurant, with a baby (I think it was one of your kids but let’s be real — it’s a toss up — we all remember what you were like back then) on your lap. You were looking directly at the camera and crying. Normally, when I come across a photo of a celeb in distress, I do the following: screech inwardly with excitement, then save it on my desktop. Down the line, I might eventually email it to someone I know with the subject line “LOL,” or “This Asshole…” However, today’s reaction was different. I felt no joy at your expense. I actually felt sad. Did you hear that Brit? This picture of you made me sad. So sad, in fact, that I teared up and now I feel the need to apologize to you.

I was a fan, rather than a fanatic growing up. I’ll clarify: I was aware of your hit songs, and may have choreographed a dance to “(You Drive Me) Crazy” during a slumber party in middle school, but I didn’t own any of your albums, and I hadn’t been to any of your concerts or watched all of your music videos. I didn’t personally identify with you, I just knew that you were pretty, and you made fun music that I liked to dance to sometimes.

When you brought the ruckus by getting married in Vegas to that Jason Alexander guy, I  was intrigued. By the time you’d met K-Fed and did Britney & Kevin: Chaotic, I was hooked on you and your cray cray behavior. If I could sing you a ballad that reflects how I felt about your activities from 2006-2009, I would. You drove with one kid on your lap, almost dropped another kid, got divorced, shaved your head, beat up a car with an umbrella while making the scariest face ever, wore a pink wig, had a British alter-ego, dated a paparazzo, let your dog poop all over couture at photo shoots, and there were ambulances coming and going from your mansion like it was ER and George Clooney was scrubbing up in the back getting ready to operate. I was obsessed with you, but I also hated you. You got so much attention for being a psycho that it infuriated me. I didn’t really care about your well-being, I just wanted you to go away. Not die, necessarily, I just wanted you to disappear.

That was the anti-Britney version of me, but I’ve obviously matured since then. Mental illness is really no joke, and the pro-Britney version of me is happy you’ve recovered from that mess. I bought Femme Fatale and LOVED IT GURL. I also went to your show at the Staples Center during the Femme Fatale tour and had a really good time once I was upgraded to seats in the non-nosebleed section.

When I experienced that blast from your past called “I’m insaneeeeee, help meeeeee” this afternoon, that picture wasn’t telling the story of a pop star acting crazy for attention. Instead it was showing me a 20-something person who was really overwhelmed and clearly having a nervous breakdown. And today I realized: I’ve been there. Now I haven’t had kids, and don’t plan on having them anytime soon because I have yet to meet someone who I’d want to wreck my body/vagina/mind for, so I don’t know what you were going through when it comes to the postpartum depression stuff. But I do know what it’s like to be spinning out of control. I went through my own mental phase as a teenager, and it sucked. The main difference is that you were wiling out and the world was watching. Hell, they were documenting your every move! Looking back, I think my obsessive hating on you was just poorly disguised jealousy. I guess I just thought you were lucky to get so much attention. I suffered privately. Whenever someone was taking pictures, I was trying to pull my shit together and appear happy and normal, despite what was going on inside my brain.

The only picture I even have of the psycho period of my life is one that was taken right before I went to prom my sophomore year that I use as modern day thinspo because I was anorexic back then. There are no photos of me looking cracked out with my family at Olive Garden, or stoned and crying at school because some jerkoff called me a slut. Nobody was following me around capturing the heartbreaking moments when I was having a meltdown, so why were you so damn special?

I digress. The point is, Britney Lynne Spears, that I saw that pic of you today and I wished I had been more empathetic to what you were going through instead of laughing and pointing like the rest of the world. Pretty much everyone I know has gone NUTS at one point in their lives. It happens. Even to celebs like you. At the end of the day, I’m grateful to not have to look back on photos of myself resisting arrest for possession of a controlled substance, or getting in a drunk driving car accident. There’s no photographic diary of the painful few years I spent spinning out of control, and there certainly weren’t people following me around trying to capture me doing stupid stuff on film. So I suppose in that respect, I’m lucky. And you’re lucky too. And we should probably be friends now.

Love,

Lara TC mark

image – innathan

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  • Anonymous

    Wow. Kudos to you for apologizing. This was a dope read!!

  • Sunnyjacob

    Her middle name is Jean….

    • http://twitter.com/scottneyspears Scott

      also, she was crazy from 2006-2008, not 2009…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000127422406 Kat Lawson

    I agree with this piece. It makes me so mad that America cashed in on Brit’s craziness and now is coming around like “no no, we were laughing WITH you!’ now that she’s back on top. Mad, but sadly not surprised. 

  • Anonymous

    PICS OR DIDNT HAPPEN

    • Anonymous

      and i mean the britney picture not you apologizing, its perfectly valid

  • Kasdev1

    I was going to write that her middle name was Jean but then I wondered if it made me an obsessive person. But … glad to see at least I have company. Lynne is her mom’s name!

  • mookie

    i know this feel

  • Liz

    you’re clearly trying to sound like a bigger and better person but you just sound like an asshole tbh

    • Ssj316

      Tbh, you sound like an asshole too. But I suppose that in some self-righteous way, you think you’re justified because you’re “being honest,” as if being honest and being an asshole somehow go hand in hand.

  • Srhrobbins

    Just need to clarify George Clooney never performed surgery on ER

  • Brandon h

    Can we stop saying “cray cray”? It’s over.

    • punny

      disagree.

    • Lediamedia

       Disagree

  • Kurzarian

    I hope she gets to read this. I went crazy and shaved my head a few weeks before her (before it was cool!) so I feel some kinship with her, even though we really have nothing else in common besides being Caucasian females.

  • http://www.ezbizsolutions1.com/ emailman1

     here here glad to see some people realize we all go threw crazy parts in our life but you have to admit it has to be hell when your life is served to the public like it was a London broil  steak dinner being served and there is nothing you can do but wait for the outcome.

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  • Southernvtgal

    I feel as if I am going through my crazy days right now, and she was an idol to me when I was a kid. I remember hating her when she went through that crazy phase, and being disappointed because all the cool kids hated her too, but now that I look back on it, you are right. I owe you an apology Britney Spears for hating on you and not realizing maybe you needed help and no one was offering it. You are now back on top and beautiful as ever, you proved not all train wrecks stay that way. <3

  • Lediamedia

    Glad you came to your senses :).  I can’t imagine every aspect of my life being recorded for the world to see!  Also, Britney’s middle name is Jean, not Lynn.  Her sister’s middle name is Lynn.

  • http://twitter.com/SophiiieCooke Sophie Cooke

    Oh I wish more people liked this as much as I did! It was nice & I agree with everything you said, I thought her having a breakdown was the funniest thing ever but I think that was because I was simultaneously having my own teenage meltdown (in a smaller scale, admittedly) and just felt glad someone else was crazier than I was! People are slow to forget and move on and that must be made 2859283x harder if you’re Britney Spears!

  • jenn

    So honest. Nice work. It pays to apologize. 

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  • Lu

    I wish Britney Spears will get a chance to see this

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    As a fellow fan, I feel you on this 110%.

  • Guest<3

    that sounded so insincere

  • Elaine

    Her middle name if Jean, not Lynne.

    (I am a Britney fanatic.)

  • GA

    dude nice job

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    […] to her well-being so I’m glad she’s shied away from the spotlight in recent years. What does make me sad, though, is how soulless she looks. Seriously, you guys, the photos and appearances don’t […]

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    […] to her well-being so I’m glad she’s shied away from the spotlight in recent years. What does make me sad, though, is how soulless she looks. Seriously, you guys, the photos and appearances don’t […]

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