This Is Why Sensitive Souls Can Seem So Confusing

Unsplash / Sherry Zhu

Sometimes you’ll wonder why we’re being too cold. Some other times you’ll wonder why we’re being too warm. Why we fluctuate.

We know it’s confusing to you and you can’t understand. Why we switch between two rainbows, a black-and-white one and another with all the bands of colors.

Why we darken so quickly. How our light can absorb colors so fast and transform so suddenly. One moment you’ll find us smiling, and another you’ll say we’re sombre. What happens to us, do you think?

Yes, it’s true we love variations. It’s in our nature.

We swing between two poles: stillness and movement, noise and silence, rosiness and pallor.

One day we climb hills, then the next we roll down on waterfalls. We can be drawn to the heart of existence, then drown in absolute nothingness.

You wonder why at times we dread the pettiness of life, but at other times we cherish the worth of being.

Just yesterday we floated on our fantasies, whereas today we swam with our fears. Don’t expect us to do the same tomorrow. Perhaps we will be diving with our desires.

“How is this possible?” you ask us. How can we rise and fall with the tide so naturally? We don’t blame you for not understanding, but we blame you for not trying to.

We are wild. We swing between two poles.

Yes, we love variations. We can’t be static! It’s not that we really like to move, no. We like to jump.

Linearity is not really our thing and our math rules are very different. Our numbers are very sporadic and never consecutive.

We find beauty in chaos because symmetry is boring for us. We don’t like it when things are neat and simple. We like to add and multiply the details because our world is so grand! Our love is so grand!

Please don’t blame us if we make a big deal out of the moon. To us, it’s not just an astronomical body, it’s an entire universe.

We love variations, but that’s not it. This is not why we transform. This is not why we flip.

You need to strip us out of our extremes and look closely to understand our contradictions (if you ever care to do so). But don’t be brutal! We are not made of ice.

You need to shred us very gently. You need to create some shade to make us feel safe. It shouldn’t be too hard. One embrace can do, if you know what we mean.

If you ever succeed in dismantling our pieces without breaking our bones, you will have come a step closer to who we really are.

Underneath the deepest waters of our body, when all the masks are taken off, when our chromosomes are no longer in the shadow and our real self is exposed, when all our vulnerabilities come to the surface like algae, when our nakedness is brought to the light and our nudity becomes palpable, you will find a little creature hidden inside us. A child. The one we met when we were born. Perhaps a bit premature with a heart made of leaves.

Please don’t blow it! This is not a game. Just talk to it and watch how it withers with the words you say. Make a list of those words, then make a vow not to say them ever again.

Take notice of the combination of words, too. Notice which assortments are bound to cause a quiver and avoid using them at any cost. By now we assume you know that your words can be either a breeze or a cyclone. This is how sensitive we are to the weather conditions.    

If you ask yourself why the leaves tremble, just know that they’re aching very deeply. It’s a heart that craves the simplest remedies of all. Love.

When we speak to you, listen carefully and try again to understand. To understand us.

Most importantly, don’t be fooled by our silence. If you ever see us silent (and you will more often than not), then please know that this is the loudest request for love we can make for you. This is exactly when we don’t want you to abandon us.

Don’t believe us when we tell you we need our space. This means we’re making our request even louder.

Remember we are full of contradictions, and sometimes we say or do things when we actually want exactly their opposite. This is the essence of our nature.

But if there ever comes a day when you fully grasp our absurdity, and even more so, fall in love with it, rest assured that you can hide in our heart and take our heartbeats to be your shelter. They will be the wings underneath which we will protect you 80 times per minute. TC mark

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