Lance Pauker

I’ve spent a good portion of the past 18 months standing in overcrowded rooms, observing the various ways us guys fail to lock down girls. Here are a few of the wondrous eligible bachelors you’ll meet as a young professional:

1. Handwritten Notes.

If you’re not here sitting on the couch watching reruns of of Friends, you must be doing something really cool.

2. Expectations are dangerously low. Society assumes you are still an idiot.

Movies have the remarkable ability to stay with us–not only on our dusty DVD shelves, but in our hearts and minds. Here are a few that tend to stick around:

8. Intentionally Out-Obscuring Your Peers

13. Your to-do lists are all like “we’re gonna do all this great stuff this week!” Tuesday is all like “I’m tired.”

Upon being introduced to a friend of a friend–and your connector friend leaves to go to the bathroom–it’s time for a full-on panic.