8 Terrifying Things That Happen When You Turn 25

1. Early Onset Tentacles

You may not see it initially. But no matter how hard you try to prevent it, turning 25 means that you’ll probably begin to sprout tentacles above your left earlobe.

Unfortunate? Yes. But it’s just something you’re gonna have to deal with now.

2. Your Friends Will Start To Feel Ambivalent Towards Jim Carrey

Jim Carrey, you say? Unmatched comedic talent who also showcased his flair for the dramatic in The Truman Show and Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind?

A year ago, you’d think this was impossible. Nonetheless, yet another disappointing reality of turning 25.

3. Kids Talk

One of the annoying — but understandable — realities of turning 25 is that your conversations will slowly begin to approach the previously avoided topic of kids. Namely, your friends will finally start calling you out on the fact that you currently have 5 kids scattered across 6 different states.

You may think that’s a statistical impossibility, but one of them lives in one of those towns that’s actually on the border or two states.

4. Coffee Gets A Lot Harder To Drink

Sometimes people don’t experience this until their later 20s, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that for a good portion of the general population, coffee can now only be consumed by cutting open your skull and pouring the entire cup onto your hypothalamus.

If you initially find this repulsive — worry not! As those in our 30s have taught us, it’s a process we’ll eventually learn to embrace.

5. You’ll start fantasizing about saying the phrase “Retired NBA Player Tim Duncan.”

Some people will be more ready for this than others, but that just really comes down to how you were raised. Either way, you might as well start getting in the habit.

6. There’s A Strong Possibility You’ll Have No Choice But To Change The Lightbulb In Your Kitchen

It’s either this year or next, buddy.

7. You Can No Longer Send Employers Resumes Made Out Of Dirt

At 25, it’s probably time to start sending out resumes made out of gravel — or at the very least, wet cement.

8. Hangovers Are Way Worse!!!!

Eek! 🙁