1. Delusional Arrogance
Whether we’re jacking up three pointers, loudly claiming how good we are at a throwback video game, or convincing ourselves that we’re actually going to start packing three days in advance, there’s an irrational confidence guy in all of us.
2. Eighth Grade Math Homework
Math was my weakest subject in eighth grade (and most grades). After I’d get a bad score on a test, I’d always tell myself that now was the time to really get serious…I’d often convince myself that I’d devote 2 hours to it each night, when in reality I always kind of knew it’d end up getting relegated to study hall the period before.
I think the same concept applies to packing — there’s the aforementioned delusional part of you that thinks you’ll get it done, but the back of your mind knows better.
The feeling that sets in when you realize that you’re not gonna get to packing until a few hours before you’re supposed to get going. (and that’s an optimistic calculation.)
The dread phase is followed by the mild to severe anxiety that results in you temporarily forgetting how to do anything. You keep telling yourself you would pack, if only you knew what that meant. During this stage you also forget what the capital of Oregon is, which is a problem because knowing state capitals has always been your thing.
5. Sponsored By Red Bull
Since this is a listicle about a relatable subject, there’s a 50% chance it’s actually sponsored by Red Bull. Red Bull not only gives you wings, but is definitely a logical fit for this stage — the stage where you just shut up and get the job done, in an obsessive and possibly unhealthy manner.
6. The Stage Dedicated To Socks
A dilemma as old as time. Bring too few, and you’re in a real tough spot towards the end of your trip. Bring too many, and it’s 100% guaranteed that you’ll return with less than half the socks you left with.
7. Airplane Paranoia
This is the stage where for three minutes, you convince yourself that one of the shirts you brought has residue from an old shampoo, and that the old shampoo is actually some sort of big time bio-terrorist weapon.
8. Rage In Plain Sight
You’re all ready to go, but you can’t find your wallet. Your wallet isn’t anywhere, and none of your roommates are moving from their spot on the couch. You’re starting to get mad, furious even. Until you realize the wallets been in your hand the entire time.
9. The Departure
Probably different for girls than for guys, but if a guy is leaving his house for an extended period of time, there is literally no established protocol for saying goodbye. Do you hug? Awkward handshake followed by reluctant eye contact? We need a ruling.
10. Did I Forget My Laptop?