19 Stages To Finally Accomplishing What You Set Out To Do

The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

1. You’ve got about two hours until it’s time to go to work. Finally, a solid chunk of time to start outlining that big, bad screenplay!

2. You’re enthralled that you’ve been able to set some time aside for this; it’s been falling by the wayside, but this is your dream. This is what you were meant to do.

3. Best brew some coffee before getting started.

4. Looks like the coffee maker is out of filters. Is a trip to Dunkin’ in order?

5. Too early to get into work clothes, but probably too unbecoming to get into sweats. On second thought, why do you care? You’re bringin’ sweatpantsback (yea).

6. Gotta get the iPod. Oh wait, there is no iPod anymore. You kinda wish there was still an iPod. It was kind of nice when that was all the rage, when you actually had a collection of songs. Remember that date you went on with Molly in which you guys bonded over your weird iTunes library? How she made fun of you for having all of Eagle Eye Cherry’s songs, even though you only ever listened to Save Tonight? How that memory is now kind of painful because it didn’t work out? How it’s sad that the memory is still painful, because it was five years ago and you should probably be very much over it by now?

7. Five minutes in the car to DD. Flipping through radio stations. Blank Space. Nice. There’s something pretty spectacular about blasting Blank Space at 7:14am.

8. There’s somehow a line at DD at 7:32am, so a quick check of The Facebook.

9. Some article you don’t care about, one of those disturbing on-loop videos you never asked for, and…is Molly engaged?

10. Molly’s engaged.

11. You’re 26. I guess that’s a sensible time to get engaged.

12. Wait, you’re 26?

13. Wait, Molly’s engaged?

14. Weren’t you have supposed to have written three screenplays by now?

15. How is Molly engaged?

16. Creepy Facebook wormhole for the next 30 minutes — judging by the picture evidence, the move does seem quite sensible.

17. You got your coffee forty six customers ago, but you haven’t left the Dunkin Donuts parking lot. It doesn’t even occur to you that you’re being incredibly rude; that you’re denying other commuters and go-getters one of the seven essential prime parking spaces at your local Dunkin’ Donuts. Everyone dates people who then date other people and then get married and then get divorced, this actually isn’t a big deal at all. You know this. Why do you have to make it a big deal? Why you gotta be so rude?

18. Drive home. Do that script outline for like 8 minutes. It’s fast, it’s furious, it’s not even close to what you wanted to get done. But it’s something. It’s may just be a thread, but at least you’re hanging by it.

19. Time for work. TC mark

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