9 (Awesome) Benefits Of Turning Into A Morning Person

I’m not a morning person; I’m only sort of a morning person, in the way Ryan Reynolds is only sort of a critically acclaimed actor. There’s potential and promise in both of our situations, but there’s also clearly some work to be done.

If you’re also attempting to make the transition, here are some motivational points to help mentally seal the deal:

1. There’s no hurry sickness:

Hurry Sickness is this psychological term that means you constantly feel like you aren’t being productive enough, and need to work like a maniac to get stuff done because there’s no time and why am I reading this I’m a giant failure at life!##@!@!!

Hurry Sickness has really taken off with the proliferation of the internet — Facebook and the Endless Content Machine have become professional dread extractors, in the sense that half the articles you click on are most certainly a giant waste of your time in one way or another*, and the the diminishing returns of consumption eventually lead you to realize that you’re wasting valuable time in which you can actually be existing.

(For instance, if you’re reading this article at 1pm, you probably have some emails to answer and powerpoints to finish up. And even if you, don’t there’s something you should be doing.)

In the morning though, you can read an article like this one without the acute sense of hurry sickness. It’s sort of prepping you for your day, and there’s nothing else that you should be doing — you have the whole day to get it done.

*sorry.

2. There’s no one to procrastinate with:

I’m writing this at 12:12 pm. There’s gchats to answer, texts to (theoretically) reply to, and countless articles that I both really want to read, and don’t want to read at all. If we’re being honest, I’m probably not gonna get through this point without ceding to the noise.

Had I wrote this at 8:03 am, my friend Andrew wouldn’t be up to send me this great Onion article. Which is utterly hilarious, but now I’m telling him how much of an “all-timer” it is. (At the moment, my “all-timer” is this one.)

3. You get to shame the night version of you:

What a loser that guy is. He eats burritos and then regrets things!

4. The internet is still sleeping:

The internet is much more of a night owl — social media is essentially that protracted conversation you have in your college dorm until 4am — it stopped making any sense 3 hours ago, yet everyone is still adamantly arguing their points as if they’re delivering the movie’s defining courtroom scene.

The internet simply doesn’t happen in the morning. You don’t need to check anything, because checking and posting feels wrong. The internet is closed. I wish it were closed more often.

5. You can trick yourself into thinking you have your life together much more than you really do:

Waking up early is for people who loudly chop things on cutting boards and adhere to strict workout schedules.

Even if you do none of those things, waking up at 6:30 means you pretty much do.

6. You’ll probably eat healthier:

Are you really gonna eat those leftover chicken fingers at 6:30 am?

If you are, you’re definitely a hero. But eggs and toast are probably the much more realistic (and healthier) option.

7. You’re a guy at an undiscovered crime scene:

I live in an area of New York City where people oftentimes go out. Most nights are pretty loud and lively, because the streets are filled with people who have big hopes and dreams that are only sometimes fulfilled. (The other times, they are fulfilled by a somewhat regrettable yet completely necessary $13 burger and fries at a diner.)

Waking up early is a dream in itself. You feel like a guy at an undiscovered crime scene. Something happened here. It’s vile and it’s fascinating, and the garbage smells like something unresolved.

8. No lines at Trader Joe’s:

I go to this Trader Joe’s where the lines are literally out the door. In order to avoid the ruthless Geoffrey Rush, you need to go as early as possible.

Regardless of your grocery store loyalty, the morning is simply much more conducive to going to places, and quickly accomplishing things at said places.

9. It’s not a cult, it’s an individual preference:

A lot of the internet content economy revolves around grouping people into these rabid tribes. You have the introverts, the extroverts, the people from the Midwest, and the Mountain Lions who only eat grapes on a Tuesday. The idea, as many know, is that these groupings are incredibly shareable within these tribes, and give power and validation to a specific identity.

This article makes use of the same trick, in the sense that you might’ve only clicked if you feel kinship with the term “morning person.” But in real life, I’d argue morning people aren’t getting together with the same sense of camaraderie that the introverts might be.

Being a morning person is a solo pursuit — you’re not staying in with other people on tumblr, nor are you talking shop with other Parks & Rec fans about how great the show is. Your bond isn’t with others who share the sentiment, it’s with the sentiment itself — which, in this case, is just a time of day.