1. A man who robbed a bank in Pittsburgh was caught after stopping to bum a cigarette off of a construction worker. After retelling the story on his Facebook page, the cigarette received over 300 likes for his act of heroism.
2. A baby bear cub was spotted in a Rite Aid in Oregon. The bear cub was subsequently filmed walking through the greeting card aisle, wondering why none of the cards simply couldn’t say “happy birthday.”
3. San Francisco-based radio stations have banned Lorde’s ‘Royals’ for the World Series. No word on whether or not Kansas City has banned Rice-A-Roni commercials.
4. A California woman got stuck in a chimney after trying to sneak into the home of a man she had met online. Amazingly, no muggles have uncovered the actual story behind the floo powder gaffe.
5. One of the largest US tobacco companies is banning smoking in its offices starting next year. The news was praised by health organizations, who evidently did not pick up on the announcement’s subliminal messaging.
6. Toys R Us removed Breaking Bad action figures from their shelves after Florida mothers cited that they toys didn’t align with family-friendly values. One furious mother later tweeted that she was tearing through season 4 with her teenage son, and was thrilled that they finally had something to bond over.
7. Adorkable, twerking, and photobomb are now in the print edition of the Collins English Dictionary. The Collins English Dictionary has over 722,000 words, and has plans to implement GIFs of Amy Poehler by 2015.
8. A toddler in Tennessee had to be rescued after climbing into a claw toy vending machine. He reportedly acquired an impressive amount of toys, but they all fell out of his clutches as he was being rescued.
9. A New York City carriage horse broke free from its handler on Sunday, and was filmed trudging through the crowded city streets. The horse was filmed furiously galloping against traffic, which is just something you have to do when you’re an hour late for brunch.
10. A Washington man robbed a bank, then, feeling remorseful, waited up for the police. When the police arrived the man chided the officers, saying that he was about to head to the party without them.