1. Cook Things That Are “Braised”
Technically, braising “is a combination-cooking method that uses both moist and dry heat.” But actually, braised is the key component of an instagram feed looking to turn itself into a Food Network-sponsored home cooking show.
2. Get Really Excited About Purchases That Are “Investments”
That kitchen knife was $250. It’s a really good kitchen knife. And as you don’t hesitate to tell people, the best part is that you’ll “have it forever.”
3. Wistfully Complain About How Your Alcohol Tolerance Is No Longer What It Once Was
About once a week, you’ll probably have a conversation in which someone laments the fact that they went to a work happy hour and were completely buzzed after two drinks.
Bonus points if “And I know this sounds crazy, but I kinda feel hungover this morning” is also included.
4. Beer Flights
At the same time, swapping the Bud Light Platinum for a $18 6 oz sampler is increasingly the rage.
In these situations, it’s always best to be really passionate about the one with the refreshing oak flavor.
5. Lower Hookup Standards, Raise Dating Standards
As the Mid-20s Tinder zeitgeist indicates, not all hookups are potential dating prospects. Not that all hookups always were dating prospects, but given that people have generally been around the block once or twice, a hookup may not “matter” as much. On the other hand, dating begins to be less of “lets see if this’ll work for the year” and more of “less see if this actually works.”
Obviously there are different strokes for different blokes, but this feels very fair when it comes to sweeping generalizations.
6. Obsessively Self-Improve
I know next to nothing about money, so I bought a book on personal finance. Now I know like 3 things about personal finance, which I enjoy talking about incessantly to show that I am “thinking about a future that’s right for me.”
7. Go One Of Two Ways On Facebook
Since high school and college are over, nobody really cares about being popular in the traditional sense — when you’re 25, you no longer forcefully mold yourself into some sort of image that will allow people to accept you. Now you simply force your aura upon the world, and blindly hope for the best.
In other words, you either completely retreat from Facebook or show the world how you really feel.
8. Containers and Desks
If I was single, I’d probably just walk into a container store and loudly discuss how much I enjoy looking at, shopping for, and obsessively rearranging containers. I would then talk about how I can’t wait for my 25th birthday party, which of course would be held at the container store.
There is certainly no dude equivalent to the mid-20s female obsession with containers, but neat desks is probably the closest thing.
9. Annoyingly Recommend Restaurants
For the mid-20 something, the restaurant game is a fascinating one. Most likely you’re not making close to enough money to have sampled every quality restaurant in the neighborhood, but enough special occasions have come and gone for you to have experienced a few.
Thus, in the interest of having something to talk about at brunch, it is important for you to mercilessly recommend the handful of high quality restaurants you’ve encountered.
10. Take On The Exact Cadences Of Your Elders
I called my house yesterday. My younger sister answered, and I realized that everything I said to her was done in the exact tempo, cadence, and wording of my dad.
Following this eerie occurrence, I went to Home Depot and haggled over flooring prices.
11. Experience A Heightened Appreciation For Jazz
The perfect complement to the perfect Sunday dinner. The broccoli rabe needs a few more minutes, the wine glasses from the New Hampshire trip will have to do, and the volume of that John Coltrane album is…that’s how it should always be.
12. Hate Teenagers
It’s not so much that you hate the concept of being a teenager — you remember that quite fondly. Rather, these teens are doing it all wrong. And it’s pathetic.
So goes the circle of life. Big ups to Rafiki.