1. The Shirtless Jogger
Most common on college campuses, the shirtless jogger will always jump on the very first chance he gets to show off what he’s been working on all winter.
He’ll always have his headphones blaring, usually done to drown out his insecurity.
2. The Sundress Swarm
Three girls. Two Bloody Mary’s each. One text to spend the entire brunch dissecting.
3. Guy who’s way too old to be a student, reading on the lawn
For this hair plug enthusiast, treatises on Kant are best read on that one spot of grass next to the student union. Is that a This American Life sticker on his satchel?
4. The Frisbee brigade
The only group of people who somehow look uncool in backwards hats. Coming soon, to an otherwise pleasant public outdoor space near you!
5. John Meyer
John Meyer is trying to be John Mayer, only he’s got quite a ways to go. His tree-side acoustic jam may go something like this:
6. Iced Coffee Theo
The transition to iced coffee is a sure sign as any that it’s a bright new season. Theo is a bit overeager, but you need a guy like Theo.
A great seasonal marker, he’s basically the same thing as The Masters.
7. Guy in a suit, who looks like he hasn’t seen the sun in three decades
You’ll see him settle on a park bench, scrolling through his emails whilst admiring the surroundings. 20 minutes later, he’ll be back in the dungeon. Capitalism doesn’t believe in sunlight.
11> X < 21
X = The only ages that you’re not intimidated by teenage skateboarders, parking lot loiterers, and 16 year olds hanging outside a liquor store.
When the weather gets nice, these scary youths tend to migrate from the basement of their one friend who’s parents are never there, to anywhere that makes people who care about their property taxes visibly angry.
9. The young dad, in way over his head
What he thought was gonna be a quick trip to the park took a turn for the worst after his 2 year-old realized you could throw coins in the fountain.
10. Person who can’t shut up about the weather
Actually, this person exists every season. Talking about the weather will forever be a past-time, because its the best way to connect with another human being on a really deep level.