1. You look around and say things like “we didn’t look that young when we were that age, did we?” in an obnoxious, overly incredulous tone.
2. You used to be all about grinding. You’re still all about grinding, but only when it has to do with your coffeemaker.
3. Biologically speaking, your body is now mainly composed of pure anxiety.
4. The music is too loud — thus preventing you from properly humblebragging about your career accomplishments.
5. The music is too loud — thus preventing your friend from properly humblebragging about his career accomplishments
6. You know more about the bar’s history (and recent gossip) than the bartenders.
7. On any given night, you used to know half the people there. Looking around on the overly crowded dance floor, you realize that you’re only friend left is that sacred spot in the corner where you first hooked up with Morgan.
8. You used to do things like sneak through the backdoor, or hang out behind the bar. Now you just sit in the corner talking about how downhill this place has gone.
9. The music is too loud — thus preventing you from telling everyone else at the bar how it’s “insane” how many hours you’ve been working.
10. You can no longer get away with paying half your tab. You couldn’t pay half your tab when you liked the bar either. But you figure that this would be a good detail to embellish when talking about how this bar used to be a lot cooler.
11. They recently made some small renovations, and they are horrifying.
12. You now have a fifteen minute speech prepared as to why you can no longer do vodka shots.
13. You find yourself frequently zoning out, wondering how the hell this used to be your idea of fun.
14. The music is too loud — thus preventing you from telling your friends how you’ve recently gotten really into podcasts.
15. With each passing minute, you feel more and more like the recently divorced dude asking girls to go to the Counting Crows concert.)
16. When recapping your weekend to your friends, you find yourself making qualifying and self-deprecating statements to justify why you’re still going to this place.
17. You increasingly feel like 2014 Steve Nash — you know the end is nigh, but you figure that if you stick around, they might end up making a somewhat sad documentary about you.
18. You’re really starting to prefer a good wine and cheese sesh.
19. While there, you’ve resorted to smoking cigarettes — just so you can have a conversation.
20. Upon going outside, you notice your ears can’t stop ringing — the existential crisis is way too loud.
21. The music may be too loud, and the bar isn’t as age appropriate as it once was. But all in all, you’re not really that old — because when talking about the bar you once loved, you can’t even.