Between reading the internet and existing in 20-something society, there seems to be a great disconnect between the men and women of our great world. Both appear to be looking for the same thing (happiness, a sense of belonging, a person to make them look better at their high school reunion), but seem to be having trouble finding that thing.
Likely, this is because the majority of females on twitter have collectively decided that “there are no good single guys anymore.“
True? Possibly. But part of it might have to do with where us men and women are looking. Perhaps love isn’t catered to the efficiency of an app, or the “let’s get to the point”-ness of a bar. Maybe it’s about looking in places that, albeit unexpected, have the ability to harness something unique. Something with potential. Something that makes your man actually want to participate in the romantic picnic below.
Anybody (who you’d want to date) has to do laundry at some point or another. Plus, if you glance at a guy more than 3 times at a laundromat, there’s a good chance he’s madly in love with you.
If you need a conversational starter, simply complain about laundry — given that this is the staple of pretty much all relationships, you may as well get a head start.
2. After The Show
If you enjoyed the performance, simply go up to the performer and say words. He may not know how to react (84% of male performers get on stage as a result to their inability to talk to women), but if you can get over his initial awkwardness, you’re golden.
Bookstores are like bars, except that there’s the smell of books. Which is like 10x the aphrodisiac that alcohol is.
4. Parking Lot Of Sports Stadium
In addition to having the world’s greatest population of 8 year-olds whacking their fathers with foam fingers, sports stadium parking lots are also home to the tailgate. The tailgate is a ritual performed by 18-50 year-old men in order to either (a. temporarily escape from their wife, or (b. temporarily numb the pain that is their complete and utter loneliness.
The great thing about a tailgates is that you get the entire spectrum of guys. All groups of guys consist of the same four-five people, and this is pretty much the only place you’ll get to scope them out in a situation where you can view all of them (and they, you), as a potential suitor. Also, pretending you like sports is a great way to get a guy to immediately fall in love with you.
5. Vacation Spot
People go on vacation to get away from their lives, which despite being good are allegedly also terrible.
The escapist mantra of vacations generally breeds a very specific form of existential pondering, which sometimes results in people getting weirdly #deep with strangers that they assume they’ll never see again. Or will they?*
*This is wholly contingent whether or not the first movie makes enough money to justify a sequel.
6. Public Transportation
Not only is public transportation the most romantic destination on this list, but it’s also the most practical. In addition to transporting you where you need to be, the intimacy and extended duration of train, plane, or bus ride means that by the end of the trip, you’ll pretty much know whether or not they’re you’re soulmate. You’ll also want to kill them. So all in all a nice preview of what’s to come.
7. Ethnicity Sponsored Event
Every Christmas Eve, single Jews all across America (read: New York City, South Florida, Los Angeles), congregate at what’s called “The Matzo Ball.” Clearly devised by Jewish Mothers, this event is traditionally known for its fiercely competitive games of “Spot The Schmidt” — wherein Jewish women locate the man that most resembles actor Max Greenfield, and then fight to the death until he agrees to appear at brunch with one of the suitors.
I imagine non-Jews have events like this as well, as well as their own culturally-approved versions of Max Greenfield.
8. College Alumni Events
A few years out of school, you can finally approach that guy/girl who you were previously too scared to because one of you cared about what your Greek Organization would think. Now as full-fledged #adults, none of that matters.
What does matter is there has clearly been something that’s been building for years.
“We met at a Lumineers concert.” — some couple, that you now can’t help but judge severely.