If you’re like me, the majority of your Sundays are spent hating yourself for throwing away any hopes of a respectable savings account by buying a bunch of rum and cokes that didn’t really even have any rum in them.
That’s actually not that true. I’ve gotten pretty good at being socially acceptably cheap at bars. I just wanted to sound cool and millennial-like, and use self-deprecation as a way to hide from addressing any real problems.
Anyway, bars are expensive. Here are some ways to groan a little bit less on Sunday morning:
Note: Don’t try and follow all of these all at once. It’s overwhelming, but more importantly it’s obnoxious. Rather, slowly implement one or two into your gameplan as the weeks progress.
1. Buy The Second Round Of Drinks
Always a good strategy, particularly if you’re out with a group of friends and plan on drinking heavily.
Batting second implies that you’re not stingy relative to your friend group, but it means you’re probably getting all of your spending out of the way early–by the time the fourth or fifth round rolls by, the drink purchasing will generally devolve into a drunken haze, spearheaded by the guy who bases his self-worth on letting other people know he has money.
And even if the purchasing merry go round does in fact reset back at the beginning, the impetus is now on the leadoff hitter.
2. Pay In Cash
While males across the land seem to think that “don’t worry, I’ve got a tab open” = SEX, tabs are generally as fiscally wise as investing with Bernie Madoff. A painfully easy joke yes, but in case you forgot this is a list on the internet.
Paying in cash, rather, will ensure you know how much money you’re burning over the course of the night. There’s also a chance people might think you’re a drug dealer or some sort of edgy #criminal, which could be a good move in certain bar situations. If people think you have drugs, they will probably talk to you. Starting that conversation is half the battle.
3. Be The Lamest Person Of All Time And Research The Menu
As long as you’re doing so in the privacy of your own screen, this is a certain gamechanger –particularly if you’re buying shots, where prices tend to vary as much as Washington Redskins fans’ opinions of Robert Griffin III.
If you’re committed to this whole money saving thing, sometimes you gotta go where you wouldn’t otherwise go. Just like “finding yourself” at your local four year institution, it’s all about getting outside that comfort zone.
4. Mixed Drinks Are Your Friend
Mixed drinks provide for the perfect ratio of alcohol content to time killed. Meaning, a mixed drink combines the effectiveness of a shot with longevity of a beer. These are particularly crucial in bar situations, given that you need to be holding a drink at all times if you wish to keep up the facade of actually having fun.
5. Think About Burritos
At the end of the night, when you’re about to get that throwaway beer that you totally don’t need, ask yourself this:
“Would I be happier if I spent this $8 on this drink, or on a burrito?”
The answer will always write itself. Treat yourself with extra guac. You totally don’t deserve it, but who cares.