Print books are increasingly going the way of the dodo bird, the passenger pigeon, and the Miss Congeniality franchise. This is scary. Here are a few reasons why we should make sure that never happens:
1. E-books do not allow for the cultivation of a physical book library. And if you can’t show off the fact that you have a personal library, there’s little point to actually reading.
2. If the book in question is a textbook or required reading for school, you get to underline random phrases and hilariously convince the person taking the class next year that you’re much smarter than them.
3. Books are a journey. Some books are even about the 1980’s rock band, Journey. But with an e-book, you’re always on the same page. Which in addition to being a very annoying buzzword phrase, compromises any tangible notion of your intellectual voyage.
4. Bookstores that sell books are good places to trick people of the opposite sex into thinking that you’re a keeper.
5. There is probably 5-10 people living in Brooklyn who make a living off being “bookmark artists.” The further we move towards e-books, the more annoying their kickstarter campaigns for new business ventures will become.
6. Fresh books smell good. Library books smell like the room in your grandparent’s house that someone may have died in. But nonetheless, smells adds character.
7. Carrying around a hardcover books somewhat legitimizes current fashion trends, like thick-rimmed glasses and barely used moleskin notebooks.
8. Conversations about print books make it easier to incorporate the word “vintage” into your conversation.
9. Reading books in print means you can also let your friends borrow books in print, which is a great way for every friendship to reach its true, passive-aggressive potential.
10. Print books afford you the opportunity to do that thing where you flip all the pages rapid-fire with your thumb for no reason other than the fact that it feels pretty awesome.
11. People who read print books have free reign to say the word “unplugged.” Since the year 2010, this has officially become a synonym for superiority.
12. Old-timey books sometimes have latin phrases on them. Somewhat useless, but definitely adds some gravitas.
13. Book jackets are a thing you could take off and then ask everyone else if they’ve seen it lying around. Doesn’t sound like a benefit, but the artwork on the Harry Potter ones are cool.
14. Accidentally dropping a whole bunch of books seems like a great way to eventually get married.
15. You don’t need Wifi.
16. Shutting off a kindle doesn’t have quite the same satisfying feeling as closing a book.
17. The end.