Your 20s, a span of ten years that there are definitely not enough articles about, is filled with exes–girls, boys, and drinks once loved and lusted after. Here are some of that first one:
1. The Probably Still Not Over It “Random Texter”
“Hawthorne Heights just randomly came up on my Pandora, just thought you’d appreciate :) “
Your last physical contact was over three years ago, and you still have sort of a bitter taste in your mouth as to how it ended–but nonetheless, these sorts of texts “randomly” pop up once every three months. And they always seem to be crafted with the intention of resurfacing some sort of inside joke, as if to recapture the fun brand of intimacy you two once shared.
Even though you’re both well aware this ‘ship has long since sailed, you weirdly revel in these occasional nostalgic blasts. Particularly given that it seems they’re still not totally over you. Meaning that for what it’s worth, you’ve “won.” Frank Underwood would be proud.
2. The Girl With The #Bleak Wisdom
At the time of the breakup, she crushed you. Utterly and completely. But then time did its thing, and rational thought started to occur. The points she made started to make sense–and that hyper-charged one that got away feeling faded into the sunset.
She was right about you guys. Which you’ll always appreciate, despite the fact that wholly she decimated any and all notions of relationship idealism that survived your teenage years. (The reason why guys are scared of the big commitment? This girl.)
You guys will probably never talk again; there is nothing left to say.
3. The Girl Who Was Way, Way Cooler Than You Gave Her Credit For
You broke up with her for one of the million possibly dumb reasons guys break up with girls–because the time wasn’t right for a relationship, because this is a city and there are so many fish, or because meeting friends at brunch sounds way too forward.
The guy will initially think nothing of this, in the sense that there will be little second guessing–in extreme manifestations, the breakup may be followed by meeting the boys at the bar, which may be followed by getting a number the very same night. But then? Shit she was cool.
A blunder that can never truly be corrected–especially given that she deserves way better.
4. The Complete 360
Not too long ago, you guys were reveling in the beauty of your unmitigated youth, wolfing down pancakes at iHop in hopes of quelling your respective hangovers.
Now, she’s married and Ewan McPreggers. What?
5. Unpredictable Uma
In layman’s terms, Unpredictable Uma is totally “bathshit”.
You knew this going in, given that she didn’t wait the obligatory 3 months into the relationship to let her crazy flag fly–this, after all, it why she was so alluring. You knew it wasn’t built to last, but she represented some sort of cool, edgy alter ego of yours.
There’s a part of you that’s duly afraid she’s either gonna (a. hunt you down and strangle you, or (b. end up hurting herself over a lack of proper closure. But then there’s another part of you that hates yourself for thinking you’re actually that big a deal.
Regardless, that initial lure of whimsical unpredictability can make for one scary ex.
6. The Ex-Girlfriend Who Isn’t Really Your Ex-Girlfriend Anymore
Maybe it’s because you’re not totally over each other. Maybe it’s because it’s convenient. Maybe it’s because the lease hasn’t ended yet, or maybe because it’s just kinda fun like this–whatever this may be.
But like it or not, you guys are way too compatible. Gulp?