1. Walk the extra mile. Literally. If you’re on the fence between transportation and walking, always choose the latter.
2. Stairs are much less fun than the elevator. But climbing them is a great way to make your co-workers feel worse about themselves.
3. Pick up a sport that you can play in public, i.e., basketball or tennis. In addition to keeping you in shape, this will also help you trick others into thinking you’re a well-rounded person.
4. Shadily squat on a class that’s being conducted in a park, a-la Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph in Bridesmaids.
5. Buy something that’s much less expensive than a gym membership, but enough money to make you feel like you need to justify the investment with actual activity. I.e., a nicer pair of running shoes.
6. Hang out with a younger cousin, or babysit little kids. This can sometimes prove to be more strenuous than the most demanding of workouts.
7. Merge you fun activity with fitness, via doing cool shit like going paintballing, kayaking, or hiking. I hear Groupon still exists.
8. Buy shit from Patagonia. The clothes there come with a physically fit body, free of charge.
9. Dig up those old Tae-Bo videos your parent’s always used to do back when you were 3. You won’t be able to watch them because VCR’s but the process of digging them yp will be a workout in itself.
10. When drunk, take advantage of your perceived invincibility by forgoing a cab and running 20 blocks.
11. Be one of those tools who does sit-ups and pushups while watching TV.
12. Have a job that really stresses you out.
13. Blast music and go nuts. Just don’t call it a twerking video, and definitely don’t upload it to YouTube.
14. Head to the garage and whip out the ole jump rope or hula hoop. For reasons mentioned above, probably best not to do this in the front yard.
15. Rally up a group of friends, mixed in gender, and hit up a karaoke place. Impressing people you’re trying to hook up with via karaoke requires massive effort and energy.
16. Consult YouTube for the endless slew of people who glean validation and purpose from telling you how to sculpt a perfect body from the comfort of your home.
17. Figure out how to use a Bowflex.