10 Ways To Save A Dying Friendship

As L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N., we tend to lose some of the friendships that we once held dear. Sometimes this happens prematurely, an unfortunate result of unfortunate circumstances.

Thankfully though, this is 2013–the era where all of your problems can be solved with a weirdly specific internet listicle:

1. Spend An Unreasonable Amount Of Time Driving In A Car Together

Nothing makes two people rekindle a lost bond like talking about whether or not there’s gonna be traffic, being overly knowledgable about the names of highways, and getting irrationally excited upon seeing a sign that promises Popeye’s at the next exit. So crank up the regional radio stations you’re completely unfamiliar with and enjoy the ride–you’ve just accrued enough #lifeexperience to stretch your friendship out another seven years.

2. Email Your Friend Random Internet Items

As in, new songs that you think they might like, dumb videos, or any information you think they may get a kick out of. The personal touch makes all the difference, as it indicates that you thought the particular item was specifically tailored for them. What Does The Fox Say?

3. Accept That Just Like You Are No Longer The Same, Neither Are They

Given that Drake is a musical entity, we all know this. If you are 3 years out of school, you must accept the fact that the sophomore year version of your bestie has long since vacated the premises. The new version might not seem as cool, but you’ve gotta at least try to get to know him.

It’s important to treat your friendships like relationships, in the sense that (a. in order to last, they need to grow and evolve, and (b. the sex needs to be great.

4. Have A Momentous Life Occasion Occur

Get engaged and have a bachelor/bachelorette party. If that doesn’t do the trick, you’re screwed.

On a much darker note, tragedies and other terrible shit also do wonders in terms of rekindling friendships. Not that what happened is a good thing, but tragedies are really good at making friends realize that they’ve been a shitty friend.

5. Help Them Move

Whether it’s helping your friend move or helping him stay put, unsolicited favors go a long, long way in reviving friendships. Not only do they appear to be sincere gestures of actually giving a shit, but they operate on an unwritten reciprocal fashion–at some point the movie has to return the favor, meaning you’ll probably have to hang out again.

6. Take Advantage Of Friendship-Related “Newsworthy” Activities

Somewhat similar to item number two, but these are things that are uniquely specific to you and your friend’s relationship.

I.e., if your friend adamantly despises Doritos, and you stumble upon a story of a Dorito factory exploding, best move fast. A Facebook timeline must, with a witty teaser that you’ll hate yourself for going with 10 minutes after posting.

7. Cultivate a Super #Deep G Chat Relationship

We know you’re not doing actual work. Why not start a fruitful, long-lasting g-chat relationship with a homie drifting away?

Not the easiest to cultivate (particularly if you feel like you no longer have too much to talk about), but commiserating over mutual boredom and life frustration is the fundamental component of 74% of human relationships.

8. Merge Friend Groups

Sometimes a dangerous move (when executed improperly, it’ll result in both of you realizing that these new people are now your real friends), but all in all an inspired friendship saving strategy. If your old homie can bond with your new homies–and proceed to maintain a relationship with your new homies that’s independent of you–you’ll intrinsically have more in common and socially progress along a similar route.

9. Eat Food While Drunk Together

You’ll mistake the indescribable level of enjoyment that comes from eating drunk Dominos as some form of friendship bonding. Huge.

10. Go Somewhere New, Make New Magic

It’s tempting to try and recapture the magic at your old stomping grounds–except that you won’t, because part of that magic was being 19, chugging SoCo, and existing in a stage of life that you’re physically unable to revert back to. Sadly, life doesn’t often replicate the sequence of events that occurred in the refreshingly artistic movie picture Hot Tub Time Machine. 

New experiences breed new memories. And new memories require…friends?