1. A few years ago, you were gonna travel everywhere. Now you’d be thrilled if you got to travel to 17% of those places.
2. You find yourself referencing overused GIFs to express how you feel at the present moment, only to hate yourself after watching the same thing 300 times on loop.
3. When people ask you about your job, your response is always less than five words. (i.e., it’s good.”)
4. You have no idea if you’ve completely stopped giving a shit, or if you’re still WAY too altruistic when it comes to shit-giving.
5. You’re beginning actually to believe the things you read on reddit threads you had zero intention of ever ending up on.
6. Everything you think is wrong with the world can be summed up by this:
7. Somewhat related, you could probably produce an entire standup comedy special about Tinder and OK Cupid.
8. You’ve vaguely heard of the word “exercise, but that’s about as far as you’re gonna go.
9. Not even 4 cups of coffee do the trick anymore.
10. Despite having $400 dollars in the bank, you’re seriously considering spending $350 dollars on a futon.
11. Many colleges boast a “if you stand anywhere on campus, you’ll be able to see one of those giant emergency light things.” You’ve smartly incorporated this forward-thinking into the aesthitic makeup of your apartment. Except you’ve replaced emergency lights with empty bags of Sun Chips.
12. You’ve moved from “Why would anyone on Netflix watch a movie about a tire who murders people” to “Actually, it wasn’t that bad.”
13. The tzatziki sauce residue from a gyro you had two weeks ago is now a permanent part of your kitchen table.
14. You’ve lost all interest in heating up leftovers.
15. Working consists of working really hard to avoid having to do your job.
16. You’ve been rotating between the same 5-10 outfits for the past five years.
17. Between incessant re-runs of Friends and reading article upon article about how great the 90’s were, you’ve thought you were back in 1997 on more than one occasion.
18. You’ve gotten really into observing/analyzing your eye mucus.
19. You’ve long since forgotten cold cuts from the fridge are meant to be eaten with bread.
20. When having to justify your current standing, you say things like “patience is a virtue,” and “you’ve gotta pay your dues.”
21. You haven’t changed your bedsheets since before Kanye West was the nucleus.
22. You’re at the point where you’re actually taking this seriously:
23. One beer gives you a hangover. Alcohol makes you want to run and hide like that really relatable GIF from item number 2.
24. You know the ten year-old version of you would be terrified of the monster you’ve turned into. But you wish he could see you now anyway, just for the thrill.
25. Your most used emoji is that smiling poop one.
26. You consistently spend a solid 20 minutes figuring out how to word a text to a person you really don’t even like that much.
27. Even your pet thinks you’re a shithead.
28. Speaking of which, you’re getting increasingly curious as to what their food tastes like.
29. Instead of ending this list at 30, you’d end it at 29 as some sort of bullshit creative statement.