After a month-long hiatus (because sometimes, #life gets in the way), we’re reviving the ole mailbag. This week, your questions explored earth-shattering topics like post hook-up etiquette, guilty pleasure TV, DTRing, and seducing married men.
If you want some of our sage wisdom (we’ve got a lot to spare), remember to send us juicy questions for next week!
1. I just recently broke off a non-relationship with a guy that had been going on for about five months. We had been hanging out regularly and hooking up occasionally, and we got along really well. It was clear that he was seeing other people though, which bothered me. About five months into it I made it known that I wanted something more regular and exclusive–I said something along the lines of turning it into a “dating” situation. It became clear that he wasn’t down for that (citing commitment issues), so I broke it off even though it hurt to do so. Now he’s acting hurt that I broke it off, and he texts me often just to see how I’m doing, but nothing to fix the relationship. I’m not sure what to do, because it’s hard to hear from him and hold on to my standards, but I don’t want to keep doing this in-between relationship. Do I cut him off completely? It hurts to think about losing his friendship.
Steph: Humans — or, most guys — are privy to a phenomenon called WWYCH Syndrome (Wanting What You Can’t Have…Syndrome). From what you described, it seems as though he contracted a good case of it. He started to miss you as soon as you cut him off the first time. If you think he’s a battle worth fighting, sit him down one more time and explain your feelings. It’s scary to Define The Relationship, but if he isn’t down to DTR, it might be best to let him go. It’ll hurt, yes, but sticking around any longer for the in-between will probably end up hurting you more in the long run.
He, clearly, is trying to turn this situation into this:
While you need to tell him this:
2. This is the typical post-hookup question. We made out, nothing more than that. We go to this tiny college together and I have to see him everyday. I’ve never had to see the person I’ve hooked up with so this is totally new to me. It’s been 8 days. He’s a generally awkward person so its been difficult for me to gauge his level of interest in me (or not). I became attached, I guess, and I really don’t want to be. I do, however, want to hook-up with him again and I want it to lead to something more (FWB type thing). Do I approach him and be like “Hey. That Friday night was fun. We should do it again sometime” or just let things be? Also, what’s the standard post-hookup etiquette if you have to see the person daily?
Steph: Well, my typical move is to immediately power-walk the other way as soon as I see a former bed yoga partner on campus, but it seems as though you and I have different motives. You don’t want to freak him out by coming on too strong. Texting him might fall into that category — unless you text him something like “wru”* on a Friday night at 3 in the morning. He’ll get the message.
And if it doesn’t work out, just act normally when you see him. Awkwardness is a social construct.
*This is shorthand for “where are you?” Remember, the shorter the text, the less you seem to care. And the less you seem to care, the more power you have, DUH!!!!!
Lance: Ah, gotta love the awkward college moments. If he is indeed a generally awkward person, it probably means he is infinitely more terrified than you.
I’d approach him the next time you’re not necessarily going out of your way — give him a nod if you’re walking by each other, maybe even go for a brief stop and chat. Make sure not to linger, though. Lingering is brutal.
3. I like a married man with kids. We have been making out frequently. I don’t know what this will lead to or if I should end it. I really enjoy his company. What should I do?
Steph: If you’ve been making out with him frequently, you’re practically on the road to marriage. If you really want to take it to the next level, you should make an effort to get to know him better — remember, you could always ask his wife for pointers.
4. What are your favorite “guilty pleasure” TV shows? Do you have any recommendations?
Steph: Nothing makes me scream “YAAAAAS” faster than the prospect of binge-watching Sex and the City for several hours. I know. I’m a cliche. Yes, sometimes, the show is kitschy and politically incorrect. Whatever. I’m currently working my way through the series for the umpteenth time, and it is hitting me right in all the feels. I also like Gossip Girl (ugh, again, I know), Girls, and Orphan Black at the moment — all a good time. Orphan Black isn’t really a guilty pleasure TV show (it rocks in all the right ways) but the other two are. Cut me some slack, though — I only watch Gossip Girl because Chuck Bass is smokin’.
Lance: Love me some Drake and Josh, particularly the later ones. Josh Peck is a revelation.