Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and y’all certainly have seemed to notice.
This week, most of your questions centered around #love — that vague, unattainable object that everyone wants while simultaneously convincing their friends that being single is “like, totally awesome!”
What do you do when someone is sending mixed signals? Should you spend your time exploring all your options or trying to settle down? Can shared preferences in pizza toppings really determine your relationship compatibility with someone, as Daria suggests?* How should you proceed if the dude you like is too nervous to make the first move? Is “Timber” really the greatest song of our generation?
*If you like avocado, jalapenos, and extra onions on your ‘za, holler at your girl. – Steph
-Lance & Steph
Q: Recently a guy got my number through a group imessage we had with a third mutual friend. He then added me on snapchat and sends me snapchats all the time. Has initiated a text conversation on two ocassions. We snapchat all the time. Does this have any meaning? Is he wanting to make a move but hasn’t yet – or is it just simple snapchats – with no meanings behind them?
Steph: Before I can answer this question, I need to know what kind of Snapchats he’s sending you. If they’re of the more salacious variety, I think you probably know how he feels about you. However, if he’s sending you fairly tame Snapchats of his car, his pet cat, or his left bicep, there’s a 40% chance that he’s into you (and a 70% chance that he’s really into himself).
Lance: Yea, we definitely need more #deets on the snaps. But based on your uncertainty, I’m assuming he’s sending the sorts of things Steph mentioned — his super awesome meals, captions featuring his pet turtle named Leonardo DiCaprio, and his 10th row seats to the Nets game #notthatbad.
I would say the snaps themsleves are innocuous (there are people on my snapchat who are clearly sending their stuff to everyone in their contacts, and it’s really a thrill to watch), but the texting is a clear giveaway. He’s seeking one on one communication. If we’re being honest with ourselves, this is the sad, digital age version of getting malted milkshakes and being pissed about curfew. He’s also a guy. He’s into you.
Q: I’ve always tried to live up to the standards of being a “lady” when it comes to sleeping with guys. But Im at a point in my life that I just want to set those morals to the side and just have fun. Im 23 and a female in the Military, so Im young and never in one place long enough to keep a strong committed relationship. I guess my question is, am I wrong for feeling this way? Or should I stick to my sexless life?
Lance: It seems like you’ve made the decision, and are simply looking for the Lance & Steph seal of approval. And while there are definitely more prestigious and worthwhile seals out there, I am happy to inform you that I wholeheartedly approve.
You seem like you have a good handle on who you are — not only do you have morals, but you’re in the military. 1. Mad respect, and 2. I imagine that when you do “let loose,” you’ll be doing so in a responsible, almost admirable manner. Don’t think you have anything to worry about.
But, if you’re still worried, remember that Drake only cares about money and the city that he’s from. And he’s 27.
Steph: First, don’t let shady sociocultural norms color how you perceive your sexuality. If you are the kind of person who kicks puppies in the face when they come up to you — tongue out, tail wagging — and try to lick your shins, you’re probably an unladylike person.
On the other hand, your sexuality, whatever that might entail, does not make you more or less of a “lady.” Unless you kick puppies. Then, fie on you.
Second, if you aren’t looking for commitment right now, full speed ahead. You’ll probably dramatically increase your dating pool because Lord knows that most guys in their early 20s are not looking for anything serious. Just find people who are also looking for short, casual flings and do what makes you #happy.
Q: I’m a shy introvert and I like this nerdy guy (he’s an engineer) whom I met through my college church group. He goes to another university so I only see him during our group meets. I’ve tried hinting that I’m into him, but he just doesn’t seem to get it! I got the nerves to give him my phone number via fb message after a night-before failed attempt to confess before winter break. However, he didn’t give me his number back– only replying “Have a good break!” Mutual friends tell me I’m overthinking it, that he’s never had a girlfriend and is oblivious to girls. One friend told his friend to tell him that I like him, but still NOTHING. Should I just give up hope on this guy? I’m totally awks and not confident when it comes to guys I like and I do the most embarrassing things. What are your recommendations for this introvert (me)?
Steph: Shy guys are the best, especially when they like you. Most of the time, they’re secretly #deep and will do really cute things — like play “Wonderwall” on the guitar for you or bring you tea when you’re sick. Shy, nerdy guys are even better. I’m thinking about Michael Cera (judge me) or Zach Braff, and I’m practically melting.
That being said, it is possible that your Boy Crush doesn’t realize you’ve been hitting on him. But, he would have to be one oblivious cookie not to realize AFTER you gave him your NUMBER. In my experience, when guys like someone, they will find ANY excuse to talk to them. And I mean, any excuse.
It might be worth it to put your eggs in someone else’s basket.
Lance: That “have a good break!” text is really something else, if meant to be flirtatious. If you guys do end up getting together, some sort of texting intervention might be necessary.
I would suggest playing hard to get. Don’t contact him, and make a point to ignore him at your next meeting. Since you are suddenly unattainable, he might realize he’s actually in love with you. It’s a great way to figure out whether or not he’s interested, and it’s science.
Q: I’m 22, he’s 28. He needs time to “figure out his life” but I feel like I know what I want in a relationship. Will he ever actually change or should I let him go and accept that I will change?
Lance: If he really needs to Summer Sanders his life (Figure It Out), it’s probably best to let him do so. My advice is to let him go, then somehow ensure he ends up listening to that Passenger song at a time when he’s weak and vulnerable. This “relationship inception” will ensure that he’ll come back to you new, improved, and ready for commitment.
In all seriousness, a stubborn guy is terrible to deal with. I know this because I’ve been that guy. It’s like pulling teeth. So unless you’re looking inflict maximum pain onto his overly vacillant self (totes fair), it’s best to let him go.
Steph: You should listen to this Chairlift song.
I’m a big believer that people who are meant to be with one another will find one another. If he needs space, let him have it. At the end of the day, if he decides that he wants to include you in his life — after he’s done figuring out exactly what it is that he wants — he will do so. If not, the both of you are better off heading your separate ways.
Who knows? Maybe you might discover that the love of your life is actually a 25-year-old copywriter who looks like Teddy Geiger and plays piano sonatas in his spare time…and you won’t get to meet him until after you let the Ol’ Boy go.