Here’s how to not really embrace your singleness, but to allow yourself to be identified by your 10,000 other qualities. Here’s how to be selfish and love your only responsibility: taking care of yourself.
1. Don’t allow yourself to fall into a state of self-pity.
This is so key that I wish I could personally visit each one of you and hang out with you to prevent this from happening. Seriously. As soon as you start to feel that unpleasant thought creep up on you, take a walk. Go for a drive. Have coffee with a friend. Just get out of the house. Distractions can be a blessing.
2. Get your dream body.
I don’t mean that in a “they’ll want you if you’re skinny, fit, and beautiful” kind-of-way. I mean it in a “boost your confidence and feel amazing” kind-of-way. I hate to sound cliché here, but going for a run can turn around your mood so fast that you might not even need to eat that entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s. Set reasonable but challenging fitness goals for yourself and watch your confidence go up with visit to the gym.
3. Kick ass at your job.
Right now, you probably have some extra free time that can be channeled into something extremely productive and great for your future. Find an area at work that your company can be doing better at and offer to spearhead the project. The ability to not only find weak spots (however small), but to also have the ambition to fix them, will prove invaluable to your boss and to your company. Plus, how amazing does it feel to talk about some project that you’re managing? Something that YOU sought out and will see how much better your company is for it. Knowing how to go after what you want is such an attractive quality. When I started my first office job, I was SO SICK of the routine after about 4 months. I would dread going into work every day but couldn’t find anything else better to justify quitting. So I changed my job responsibilities little by little, on my own, and it was so worth it. Make your goals happen now.
4. Make a huge effort to go outside of your comfort zone.
This is the perfect opportunity to do things you would normally never do: meet some new people; add to your already awesome set of interests. When I was dating my last significant other, if he didn’t want to take that public speaking class with me or try a new church, it literally never occurred to me to just go on my own and take that opportunity to meet some new people and explore a potential new interest. Now I do it all the time. It’s so empowering to not only try a new thing, but to know you just put yourself out there and did something that not many people are brave enough to do. (P.S. This is your silent nudge from the universe to try that activity/class now.)
5. DO NOT compare yourself to other people.
What you see on someone’s Facebook or Instagram is most likely not how their life actually is. For some reason, so many people have this urge to seem perfect and fun and worthy of jealousy on their social media profiles that it’s seriously not even believable anymore. I’m friends with this girl on Facebook who CONSTANTLY brags about how awesome her boyfriend is, but then I ran into the two of them walking out of a restaurant and there they were walking 20 feet away from each other, pretending the other person didn’t exist, like they do that all the time. Don’t be that fake person. You’re better than that.
6. Fight the urge to settle with less than what you deserve.
I started a previous relationship because I hated being single so much that I would rather waste months of my life — and theirs — in a relationship that I knew wasn’t right for me. Not only did I make both of us unhappy, I questioned how much I valued myself and my judgment. Did I really disrespect myself that much that I couldn’t handle being patient and focusing on something else? Who you date says a lot about you and if they’re not what you deserve, then that’s on you. Not them. Don’t put up with that, self.