The 12 Phases Of Breaking Up And Moving On

Flickr/Philippa Willitts
Flickr/Philippa Willitts

Most of us have, are currently, or will go through a break-up that leaves you feeling empty and hanging on to something that no longer exists. It keeps you up late at night. You want to give up, move on, and say good-bye but you just cant. Every song that comes on reminds you of your old flame. You think it’s a sign, but you’re really just doing everything to convince yourself that it isn’t over. To wrap your head around what is going on, here’s a list of the feelings you will experience before saying goodbye.

1. Denial.

Isn’t denial always the first step? You had the perfect relationship, and it’s not over. It’s just a phase. Something in their life is just stressing your partner out and they are just taking it out on you. It will all blow over soon enough. What is love without a little pain? Right…?

2. Tears.

No matter how tough you are, you WILL cry. You won’t want to leave bed, but you also don’t want to sleep. Your eyes, your heart, your head, and your stomach will all ache. Hopefully you have really good friends that will go to the store and buy you Kleenex with moisturizer, because we all know you aren’t going out in public.

3. WINE.

What is any emotional breakdown without some of your favorite wine? (Mine is Bartenura Moscato J) However, during this breakdown, it can make you or break you. Here’s a little advice, let your roommate hide your phone if you decide to down the whole bottle with a straw. Nothing good will come of it. I promise.

4. Sex.

If you’re like me, this will happen way more than once. You just can’t stop. You yearn for that old flame to be rekindled. You may even keep crawling into bed with them for over a year, despite the fact they have a new significant other. Take my advice, IT WILL ONLY BREAK YOU.

5. Hope.

You had sex. That means they want you. That means there is something still there. That mean they still love you. That means everything is going to be okay. WRONG. If he wanted you, he wouldn’t have left you in the first place, and he definitely wouldn’t be dating someone else.

6. Hatred.

How could he? He used you! He snaked his way back into you(r heart)

when you were vulnerable and only for his own selfish gain. How can you not hate him? He doesn’t care about you or anyone else for that matter. He is just feeding his ego and libido.

7. Rebound.

Age old advice: “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” It’s good in theory and sometimes in practice too. When you’re upset, your morals disappear. Just make sure your safe sex practices don’t disappear with them.

8. Disgust.

You had a perfect relationship and he stole that happiness from you. You’ve experienced being with someone else. It may not have been perfect, but you’ve proven to yourself that he doesn’t own you. You don’t need your ex. He is disgusting. He is a pig. You are so much better off with out him.

9. Keeping busy.

You pick up a new hobby. You go out and get drunk. You reconnect with the girl friends you pushed aside. You might even go out and buy an embroidery machine and start a monogramming business. You do any and everything to fill the void, but nothing does for long.

10. Being “happy.”

You put on a front. You are so happy with where life is, or at least feigning it. Every time he sees you, you have a smile on your face. You own being single. It does not hinder you one bit, as a matter of fact it helps you get through each passing day. Deep down inside you’re not really happy. You long for his voice and touch. However, you never let him know how you truly feel.

11. Losing It.

After trying everything in your power to keep a friendship with the person that you shared so much of your life with, you finally detonate. You’re a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode. You may not even be provoked. You just know that you aren’t going to let him consume your thoughts and daily life anymore. You tell him off, return all of his things, block his phone number, and block him from all social media. “Out of sight, out of mind.” Right? Right.

12. Acceptance.

It’s hard at first, you want to immediately apologize and unblock him, but your subconscious and best friends stop you. You finally realize it’s for the best. You can’t live your twenties hoping day in and day out that he’ll come around. You’re a wonderful girl. You have much more to live for than a guy who doesn’t understand your true worth.

Your true happiness will soon return after the acceptance step and you will start to see all of the beautiful things you let go unnoticed. These steps could last a few weeks, months, or even years. Hopefully knowing what to expect will help speed the process to recovery. You are young and beautiful, so live like it. Take chances and open your heart again. Your life isn’t over, it’s just beginning. TC mark

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