There’s Nothing Glamorous About Depression

Depression isn’t just having a bad day cause your fighting with your boyfriend or a bad week cause you and your best friend can’t agree.

Depression is feeling like you’re drowning in the ocean, gasping for air and no one is around to help you. It’s just a struggle with yourself to see how long you can keep your head above the water.

Its fighting a battle every day that you can never win.

Every day, it consumes you and terrifies you but it’s your reality. While others are trying to thrive, you just want to survive. You try your best to take life day by day, sometimes even hour to hour.

Depression is fearing the next day will be just as bad as the day before. Its wondering why everyone around you seems so happy yet you can’t feel anything at all.

Depression is questioning every day why you’re still alive. It strips away every ounce of self-worth you have until you seclude yourself from everyone around you.

Depression is losing friendships and relationships because you mentally can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. You want more than anything to have thriving friendships and find true love, but it’s impossible to put effort into those relationships when you can’t even put effort into your own life.

You watch as everyone around you is moving forward with their life and overcoming struggles, finding themselves more, and finding happiness. Yet here you are, struggling to get out of bed in the morning because you can’t even bear getting through another day.

You want more than anything to be normal again.

That’s what’s so traumatizing about depression, you know life without depression. You know what happiness feels like even though you haven’t felt it in weeks or even months. You remember having purpose in life, a reason to get out of bed in the morning, but now your brain cannot fathom those same reasons giving your life any purpose.

It drains every ounce of energy you have left in your body until it’s physically hard to move any limb of your body. You wake up every morning feeling like you just ran a marathon.

You know deep inside there are reasons to stay alive, to get married someday, to have kids, to graduate college, even to be able to spend one more night out with your best friend without depression making you want to be left alone. They are many reasons to stay alive, but sometimes you have to question is the battle to get to those moments worth it.

Depression is feeling like this for weeks or even months, then waking up one day and feeling okay. Its feeling like someone’s holding your body and mind captive and you are just suffering waiting to be released.

Depression is suffering in silence. Try explaining to someone you need a day off because the chemical imbalance in your brain is so off that you can’t get out of bed. That your brain needs a day to recover because you feel like you can break at any moment.

Depression is not talked about, which makes it one of the loneliest feelings in the world. It’s you alone verse a disease that has taken millions of lives. The odds are not in your favor.

To anyone fighting this battle, you will be okay. All these days you wake up only to battle with your own mind for 24 hours, one day you will wake up and win that battle. You will feel happiness again. I have faith in you that you will fight long enough to accomplish your future plans. Depression is unbearably strong, but you are stronger. You have the ability to overcome depression, maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually.

You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, but it is bright. If anyone deserves to get there, it’s you. Keep fighting.

If you can’t fight anymore, PLEASE call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, suicide may seem like an option but it’s not the answer. 

Always going through another heartbreak

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