I’m amazed at how much effort we put in creating relationships with others. We want to make friends with others. We want others to love us.
Why is there such little emphasis on creating a relationship with our own self?
From an early age, we’re taught not to put our own interest first because that’s selfish.
We’re taught we shouldn’t look too much in the mirror because that’s narcissistic.
We’d never insult our friends and loved ones, yet we are so prompt in being harsh to ourselves.
We assume we know ourself, because why wouldn’t we? We see everything through our own eyes. It should be obvious. Yet we’re often the person we know the least.
What do I want? What do I like? What do I need? Who am I?
Do you find these questions easy?
They aren’t. They are tough questions.
So we escape.
We change and adapt to the external world to get the validation we crave about yourself, instead of spending the time to look inwards.
And the more we avoid this introspection, the more distant we get from our true self.
We end up flowing through life, hoping that the people around us will be kind enough to define us.
We take that definition and we roll with it.
The more we do, the foggiest the image of our true self becomes.
We hide behind a smokey mirror made of beliefs we never chose.
The deeper we are behind this mirror, the more afraid we are to speak up and let our true self show.
Because it’s too late. It’s too risky. It’s too scary.
Because we’re so lost in that frame others have created for us that we feel locked in.
I wouldn’t do that, that’s not me.
“That’s not me” because I haven’t taken time to define what “is me.”
I’ve let others decide that for me. And I’m stuck in this cell. And the mirror is getting thicker, and thicker.
Yet the door is wide open.
We’re the ones who locked ourselves in, and we have the key out.
Let’s invest that time.
Let’s get real with ourselves.
Let’s dig deep in our own soul.
We all have so much to offer, yet we’re so afraid to show the tiniest bit of who we truly are.
We have so much to gain from this increased self-clarity.
When we realize we’re a full person, it’s much harder to be mean to ourselves.
If I’m not accepting insults from others, I won’t be taking shit from myself either.
We accept that we can change.
If my friends can change, it only makes sense that I can too.
If something is “not like me,” that doesn’t stop me from trying, and from creating this new association with my own person, if it serves me.
I can expand and mold the definition of who I am, as I please.
We start internally validating.
It doesn’t matter if others associate me with a set frame they have created.
I have my own mind-frame and don’t need them to validate everything I do.
I’m not trying to please others anymore. I’m just trying to act in accordance with who I am.
Once we commit to walking out of the cell and through the smoke, we realize we have the freedom to define what is us, and what isn’t.
We realize we have full ownership of who we are.
Providing we put in the effort.
That’s why I spend so much time writing.
Through a few posts, I’ve realized key elements about myself as I was writing.
That’s why I have discussions with myself in the mirror, looking myself right in the eye.
When I’m feeling blue and “I don’t know what’s going on,” I just sit down and start talking.
What’s really on my mind?
You’d be amazed of what comes out when you vocalize. Just like you would with a friend.
I also hug myself.
I tell myself kind words.
I write cute notes for myself.
Just like I would for my loved ones.
Yes, I’m in my own head.
Is that a synonym of clarity of mind? Quite the opposite.
Through these little practices, I get to realize what I need.
What I want from others.
What I’m insecure about.
What I need to be reassured about.
What I’m afraid of.
And then I find ways to fulfill those needs.
Either on my own, or through external relationships. Picking the right ones based on my needs.
I’m the person I’ll spend the most time with in my life.
So, I figured I might as well become friends with myself.
Best friends, even.
Instead of spending my whole life avoiding myself and struggling with the gap between who I am and how I behave.