Internet: That love is more about freedom than anything, so you should do whatever you want and people who aren’t okay with that just aren’t for you.
Reality: Your freedom should be respected and cherished even, but you have to respect your partner, too. It’s one thing to be free, another thing to neglect/ignore them for something “better” in the name of freedom. And yes, you enjoy exploring ideas and new concepts, but you are more than capable of focusing and truly investing in the things you love, so don’t be afraid to invest deeply whenever you’ve found someone who’s captured your heart.
Internet: That true love only comes in the form of your perfect prince charming and you should never, ever settle for less.
Reality: You should never settle for something you don’t deserve, but sometimes the pictures we paint of what we want or need in our heads don’t always reflect the actual truth. Our desires and needs change as we get older, and we tend to be biased on what (or who) might actually be good for us. You’re allowed to have discretion and should use it, but if you choose to write off potential partners because they don’t perfectly fit the daydream in your head, you’re never going to fall in love with someone in a real way.
Internet: That love is explicitly about growth and experiences, if your partner can’t keep up with you, then they’re not the right person for you.
Reality: You’re a whirlwind of excitement and growth, and it’s extremely admirable about you. Yet even you know that you tend to charge full steam ahead in all aspects of your life, relationships included, and this can cause even the most dedicated and patient partner to tire out eventually. You view growth in love as constantly pushing ahead, but keep in mind that love might teach you to relax sometimes because growth is about learning to rest, as well. You have to take into account your partner’s needs too, or else you’ll never grow, together or apart.
Internet: You should just be alone because no one else will ever get you, anyway.
Reality: Yes, you do tend to prefer being alone, but choosing that option because you’re afraid no one will ever really get you? That’s just not the best way to be. If you’re willing to explain and be a little more vulnerable with people rather than pushing everyone away, you might be surprised at what you might discover.
Internet: You need to do everything for people in order to love you. You’ll only work well in a partnership that revolves around you taking care of the other person.
Reality: You don’t always have to do things to earn everyone’s love. People love you for you, not what you do for them. Maybe deep down you know that you don’t have to earn everyone’s love but there is an idea that’s often reinforced to you that the only way you’ll find a forever person is by finding someone who needs to be taken care of, since you naturally thrive in helping others and showing your love through action. However, this isn’t the truth. You can still be someone who does things for people because you love them, without that being the entire crux the relationship is hinged on. Real love gives as much as it receives.
Internet: Love is more about how much you give to someone, not about what they give you.
Reality: The sentiment at first can reflect some truth: love isn’t about trying to get something from someone, period. However, for someone like you, you take this to heart and live it out in a literal way. You think love is about you constantly pouring yourself out until you have nothing left, and if the other person doesn’t really do much in return? Then no biggie. Except love is actually about the give and take. It’s finding someone who cares just as much about you as you do them. While you aren’t trying to get something from them, genuine love is willing to give as much as they receive. Love isn’t about allowing you to feel emotionally superior or detached, but about being open and vulnerable enough to ask for what you need, and knowing the other person will love you enough to do those things.
Internet: Everything (including love) is black and white, and if a person does something wrong then they will always be that way.
Reality: It’s easy to see the world as a system that, if people just did everything the way you think they should, would run perfectly. In turn, this means that if you come across someone who did something out of line, especially if they didn’t do anything the way you thought they should, you tend to write them off quickly as someone who will always be that way. Yet people make mistakes and change and grow, and a big part of love is recognizing that people make mistakes and cause hurt, but still giving them the chance to learn and be better the next day. It’s okay to notice patterns and care for yourself, but not everything is as black and white as you’d like to think.
Internet: That love isn’t as much about fuzzy feelings or the way people care for you as much as it’s about how high they rank in your social standing.
Reality: Your reputation is important to you, and you do your best to uphold it all costs. In some ways, this truly benefits you. You’re honest, loyal, and people know they can depend on you if you promise to do something. Yet sometimes, the idea that love is more about how it reflects on you as opposed to how it makes you a better person seems to permeate your mind. You think love is more so about who appears to be the best, rather than who might genuinely be the best for you. While some things in life are easier to pin down—your job, your social circle, your family values—love is one of those things that shouldn’t be calculated to present you in a better light. Your priorities need to shift.
Internet: That due to your strong emotional awareness, you’re responsible for handling all the emotional wellness and you’ll only experience true love with a person who gets out of your way and leaves it all up to you.
Reality: You are naturally adept at understanding emotional and social cues, so it’s no shocker that people often turn to you to resolve their issues. Yet when it comes to love, this shouldn’t be a weight placed solely on you shoulders. It’s okay for you to take the lead and handle these things every now and then, but love isn’t about one person bearing all the weight in order to keep things going. It’s an equal partnership and one that you should benefit from just as much as the other person does.
Internet: That you’re too incredibly unique to ever truly find someone to understand you and love you down to your core, so might as well give up.
Reality: It’s true, you have an incredibly unique way of looking at the world, and oftentimes getting you to open up about the inner workings of your mind is incredibly difficult. Yet the truth is, people are more able to understand your thoughts and feelings, and even share them, more than you’re willing to give them credit for. If you’re willing to be open and vulnerable with people, they might disappoint you, but they also might be the surprise of your life that you never saw coming.
Internet: Love is too boring and restricting for you, so you’ll never honestly end up in a happy relationship for too long.
Reality: Love doesn’t always look the way we think it does. Love can look like security, but it also looks like freedom in excitement, in growth, in adventure. The idea of a relationship might sound constricting to you if you keep looking at it as something holding you back, but if you start looking at it as something that could open a whole new realm of adventure and opportunity? It won’t be hard for you to find someone who believes the same thing.
Internet: That love doesn’t have anything to offer you that you can’t figure out yourself.
Reality: While it’s true that we may not need romantic love to survive, it doesn’t mean it has nothing to offer us. You may be more than capable of living life on your own without dealing with romantic love altogether, but falling in love with someone who can open up your mind and your eyes to new adventures, ideas, and ways to do things? If you’re willing to accept it, falling in love could really show you so much in this world.
Internet: That love is only about the highs and excitement and if it wears off, it’s isn’t love.
Reality: Love absolutely has the capability to cause excitement and intense feelings, but that isn’t what love is entirely about. Though you thrive on social connections and experiences, you have a tendency to grow bored if you feel the “chemistry” is wearing off. But love goes through phases. Not all of them are fixated on how happy you feel, but about how much you genuinely care about a person and how willing you are to stick things out when life gets tough.
Internet: That love is about passion and romance, pretty much exclusively.
Reality: You’re a passionate and artistic soul and it can be easy to hold close the idea that love is about all the passion and romance that it can create. Yet, love isn’t just about how passionate or intense the relationship is. It requires being vulnerable and honest, even when it’s not always “romantic.” It’s about being dedicated and persistent even when things feel kind of boring (because life has a tendency to throw those seasons at us every now and then). Romance and passion are absolutely worth desiring and going after, but you have to realize that no relationship will be that way 24/7, and just because the heat dies down a little doesn’t mean the relationship isn’t right for you.
Internet: That requires someone to fight through your walls, blunt exterior, and harshness in order to deserve your softer side.
Reality: Love is certainly work, there is no getting around it. And you value hard work in a very extreme way, so it only makes sense you believe it should apply to love, too. Yet making someone always work for your kindness, love, and sentimental aspects are not the way to go about things. Love is also about give and take, and you have to be willing to be open and vulnerable with people, even if sometimes you think they haven’t “earned” it yet, because love is just as much about risk as it is effort.
Internet: That with just the right amount of planning and logic, you can figure out love down to a perfect science.
Reality: While there are a lot of things in life that can be executed perfectly with precision and planning, that isn’t the case with love. It’s unpredictable and messy, and it rarely follows the route we think it should. You’re incredibly intelligent, yet if you think that love will follow the algorithms you’ve figured out and that it is the only way you’ll ever find love, you’re going to be terribly disappointed. Love may not follow an exact plan, but it is capable of changing your life for the better if you let it.