You Can’t Make Up His Mind About You But You Can Make Up Your Own

I think we can all agree that when it comes to relationships, everything is a bit of a gamble.

Why wouldn’t it be? Dating requires a lot of factors, yet chance really seems to be one of them. We meet people and hope we see them again. We see them consistently and decide to take a chance at a relationship. We invest in the relationship and hope that it sticks around for the long-term. Yet there is always going to be a possibility that things won’t always be as straightforward as you hope.

Everyone goes through a state of confusion sometimes.

It’s not uncommon really. Especially when it comes to relationships, feelings and emotions tend to be pretty messy. While we would all love to live in a world everything was always so clear and concise, that isn’t usually the cards we’re dealt.

So when that person you’re absolutely crazy about tells you they don’t know how they feel about you- that they are confused on their feelings- it tends to hit you pretty hard. You feel your stomach drop and you try to keep yourself together, because even said in the kindest way it’s still a bitter pill to swallow. They reassure you that you didn’t do anything wrong, that it’s not you, it’s them, and one thousand other reasons that all echo the same sentiment “I can’t figure out if I really want to be with you anymore.”

So you try to take everything in stride. You wonder what you did wrong, yet try to remind yourself that there wasn’t anything you could’ve done. You think of all the memories and how good everything seemed, yet remind yourself that nothing is as perfect as it seems. You know it hurts, but you start to feel like maybe this was for the best.

Yet then, like clockwork, you see the words on the screen, or hear the sound of his voice over the phone lines. He says he misses you. He says he thinks he made a mistake. He says he wants to try to fix things. Yet the one thing he doesn’t say is that he knows exactly how he feels about you. He doesn’t say he’s certain now, and that he finally worked through all the confusion and figured out that this thing you two had was the right thing all along. Instead, he just tries to convince you to have a conversation. A chance to talk. Some time to work things out.

He’s still not entirely sure how he feels. He’s still confused, maybe just slightly less now. He hasn’t quite determined the source of all of this chaos going on inside his mind in regards to how he feels, yet he also isn’t sure if you two being apart is the solution. The end conclusion is he still can’t quite make up his mind.

And honestly? It’s not fair to you. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone in this situation.

Because you never asked for this. You, for all intents and purposes, were happy. You weren’t confused. You knew what you wanted- and what you wanted was him. That’s why despite any small doubts that ever tried to crawl through the cracks inside your mind, you still wanted to be with him. And when he was honest enough with you to tell you that he was confused, it caused you to reevaluate the entire relationship. It caused you to wonder if perhaps this was for the best- because now you had taken a step back and seen that perhaps you two weren’t meant to be after all. And now, after all this time, when you’ve started to feel okay, or at least not broken, he waltzes back in to tell you he isn’t sure if this is right…but not quite sure enough to make things right. You honestly don’t think you can view him the same way you did before everything started to fall apart right in front of you.

The truth is, love, you can’t make him make up his mind about you, but you can make up yours.

You can take charge of yourself in this narrative. He may be the one confused, but you don’t have to be. If you knew what you wanted, and it was him, then you also know that you don’t want to be part of something that is half-hearted- where he stays with you because he thinks he should, or that maybe this is right even if he can’t get his feelings to line up with that idea. You want someone who wholeheartedly knows that you are what they want, no questions asked.

You can make the decision that you aren’t going to settle for less than that.

You can make up your mind that at the end of the day, you don’t need to be with someone who doesn’t know how they feel about you. Even if they do change their mind and want to try again, what is going to stop them from being confused all over again months from now? Everyone experiences confusion every now and then, but once it happens one time, it’s hard to not let it eat at your mind- wondering if/when it will happen next.

You can’t control how he feels about you, and you shouldn’t try to. Attempting to convince him why you are worth being with is pointless, because he can see all of your good qualities already- and he’s still feeling this way.

This isn’t about your value and your worth as much as it’s about him and his inability to see that, or his ability to see it and still not feel right about being with you. It’s a hard thing to process, I know. Yet if a guy goes back and forth between wanting you one day and ignoring you the next, you should do yourself a favor and just let him go.

Because when it comes down to it, knowing you’re worth more than someone who can’t seem to make up his mind about you isn’t really that confusing after all. TC mark

Lacey Ramburger

I am low key obsessed with Myers-Briggs more than is probably healthy

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