It’s okay to let yourself fall apart.
I know that isn’t the most typical advice after something breaks you. I know that when the world gets a little too heavy and little too much for us to handle, the responses you normally here fall somewhere in the category of “Things will get better, just wait!” or “You can do this, you’re so strong!” The world asks us to hike ourselves up by our metaphorical bootstraps and keep marching forward, because we will never get better if we just sit here.
Yet sometimes, trying to forcibly put ourselves back together is the worst thing we can do. The reason why you’re in this place, this broken place, is because something too heavy or to overwhelming managed to overtake you for a little while. Maybe you didn’t see it coming, or maybe you could see it from miles away. Maybe part of you thought you could handle it, because make no mistake, you are incredibly strong and you’re able to do so many things.
Eventually all of us are broken for a little while. We share that bond as humans who makes mistakes and who suffer at the hands of other people. We shouldn’t be ashamed; this is part of life. The problem is when we become so ashamed of how broken we are, or we become so impatient about being in this situation, that we try to throw ourselves back together again. We rush around our scattered pieces, we try to match them up as best we can and places band aids everywhere, hoping this will do until we find a more permanent solution. We put on a happy face, say that we are fine, and we keep moving forward, despite how internally we just want to sit here awhile.
So why don’t you?
Have you ever thought that perhaps staying broken for a little while could be the better thing? Instead of rushing around and grabbing shards of yourself with jagged edges and trying to make them fit, take your time and look at all of these pieces. Get to know these parts of yourself. Put yourself back together a little at a time. It will take longer, sure. It may feel like it will never happen. Yet honestly, when you try to put on a face for others, when you try to pretend you’re okay when you really aren’t, then it’s only a matter if time before you fall apart again. Before you have to start all over from square one again.
Staying broken isn’t a bad thing.
You shouldn’t do it forever, because let me tell you, wallowing in your own self for too long is dangerous and vicious cycle too. You deserve to heal and keep living your life, because you will do some pretty amazing things with it. Yet for a little while, it’s okay to just examine the wreckage. To understand how you ended up here, and how you don’t want to end up here again. To hold these individual pieces of you and get to know them better than you did before.
Because sometimes, being broken will show you more about yourself than you ever thought possible. You shouldn’t try to rush past it in order to look like you have it all together. Because when you do heal, when you really are okay, when you manage to become whole again, the world is going to have something to reckon with.