You Are The Reason Why I Stopped Running Away

lauren rushing
lauren rushing

You’re the reason I stopped running away.

It’s funny, honestly. For a girl who laughs in the face of exercise and feigns death when the idea of taking a jog is mentioned, I’ve managed to do a lot of it in my life.

Sometimes I ran because I had too many options to take, and picking one seemed too overwhelming, so I took off in a totally different direction. Sometimes a conflict came up and I didn’t want to deal with all of the anger or tension, so off I ran again. Sometimes I knew I was about to get hurt, or had the potential to be hurt, so I took off in a sprint as fast as my legs would carry me.

Then, you showed up.

Okay, you didn’t just show up. You were always kind of around. Yet never in the “I think I’m in love with you” way. Not in the “Hey, why don’t you give me a chance?” way. The idea was intriguing. However, just like Newton’s first law of motion, I felt since I was already in motion I was bound to stay in motion forever unless a force was able to stop me. It appeared nothing was going to be enough to stop me.

Yet you, darling, were your own force to be reckoned with. They say that men like the chase, and I gave you the chase of your life. You’re just as stubborn as I am, maybe more so. And once you had your blue eyes on me, you were determined to move heaven and earth to make this work.

Still, I was someone who spent several years of her life running from everything. I had become really good at it, too. Knowing when the time was coming, able to lace up my shoes and take off before anyone could blink. Most people simply let me go, figuring either I would eventually get tired and come back, or that trying to run after me was not worth the effort. I expected you to sit back and wait for me to tire myself out and wind back up at your door. Yet I was more than surprised when I heard the pounding of your own footsteps behind me. Your voice becoming more clear than the voices in my head that told me to keep running.

“Hey, we can make this work. It won’t be easy, but I’m not going anywhere.”

I didn’t jolt to a complete stop in that moment, but my pace slowed. I still had fears swirling around in my head, anxieties flowing through my veins, and uncertainty beating against my chest. Yet for the first time it appeared that someone was going to stay with me, instead of adding to the load. Eventually, you were able to jog beside me, grabbing my hand and talking me through things. I knew that just like any other human in this world, you had the ability to hurt me. Falling in love with you would be as risky as any other choice in life would be. Yet I also knew that just like you chased after me, you were going to put your whole self in to whatever we might become. If I ran, you were running with me. If I stopped to finally rest, it would be your arms holding onto me.

So I decided to stop running. I took off the shoes and threw them in the closet. I know they are still there, and sometimes my mind senses fear and wonders if I should go grab them to take off again. Yet when I glance back at your face and feel your hand tighten its grip around mine, I know where I belong.

Running away is the last thing I want to do with you. TC mark

Lacey Ramburger

I am low key obsessed with Myers-Briggs more than is probably healthy

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