To All Men, Don’t Tell Her She’s Beautiful Unless You Mean It
By La Mar Heard
There are many words in every language on the planet that can bring any number of responses, but the word ‘beautiful’ just happens to be one of my favorites. Now, the problem with this particular word is that much like the word love, it has come to be misused and abused over time; simply because when said, those who are mouthing this word are actually using it as a means to get what they want from the person they are addressing.
Now here’s the crazy thing, from a male perspective. A good amount of men have devolved when it comes to how they look at the opposite sex. They don’t tell women that they’re beautiful anymore– they only marvel at certain parts of their anatomy, instead of looking at the whole. Men have become so selective in what is believed to be beautiful ‘on’ a woman; and because of this, men treat women like objects… trophies to be paraded around, hanging off of the arm to be displayed like a carnival prize. How often have you seen a man walking around with a woman on his arm with the infamous ‘look at what I got’ face?
Now, don’t be mistaken about what you’ve just read, because as you walk around out in the world, you will come across a man walking with his wife, girlfriend or even lover… and he will have a sense of pride about him. This isn’t because he wants to put her on display, but because he wants the world to know how good he feels about being given the privilege of being with this woman. He is letting the world know that he’s the lucky one, and that he is more than thankful for that.
Much like telling a woman you love her, when you tell her that she’s beautiful, you have to mean what you say. So many women have been told that they are beautiful, and have been hurt later. Because of how they’ve been treated, when someone who means what he says walks up and expresses his amazement as both her external and internal beauty, she’s already in the ‘heard it all before’ mindset, and all of a sudden he is easily dismissed without a second thought.
We can go and blame fashion, modeling, music and media for affecting our opinions regarding what is and what isn’t beautiful, but at the end of the day, I simply believe that it’s all on us; and it’s up to us to correct that problem within ourselves.
If you look at a woman, and the impulse to approach her stirs within you; or if you already happen to be somewhere with her and you feel the need to speak up, please make it a point to speak your mind. I don’t believe that there is a wrong way to express to a woman just how beautiful – how special she is. And if you feel that she doesn’t believe you, make it a point to be more assertive with that expression. And please, feel free to be as corny as you wish to be; make her smile, make her laugh, make her eyes light up and just bask in the glow. And just feel good about the fact that you’re with her at that very moment.
We’re all human, and of course we notice everything on the surface when we initially meet someone, and physical beauty is always a good thing. But I also believe that you need to get to know a person; talk to them, find out what ‘makes them tick’ and understand what they feel and why; and let them discover those same things about you. You’ll gain new insight regarding what it is that makes them who they are. You’ll be able to merge what’s on the surface with what you’ve discovered about them on a personally intimate level — and there is beauty.
Granted, I understand that there are plenty of people – men and women alike – who are satisfied with only looking at the surface. I won’t fault them; they have their reasons. We’ve all been on this planet a long time, and we’ve all learned to see things differently, because of how we were taught by family, friends, society, or even from life’s lessons.
We are a young and simple species, and we are easily influenced by external stimuli. Sometimes, those external events assist (positively or negatively) in the formation of our opinions about people we encounter, or situations in which we find ourselves. Also… good or bad, life happens; and that in and of itself can affect us in ways unimaginable; causing us to think about and see people differently.
But let’s be honest; how difficult would it be to tell the one you care about, that she’s beautiful… that’s she’s breathtaking? To walk into a room and see her getting ready for a night out with you, and when you see her all of a sudden your breath literally catches, because she looks so amazing. But it isn’t just the physical that makes you pause and stare in wonder… it is simply her – this amazing individual standing before you.
You find yourself eager to hold her hand as you walk… you want to see her smile, knowing that you’re the one making her do so. Trust me… you want to be the sky that she shines in; making it a point to let the world know that this woman chose you and no other to be with. To think so much of her, and to know that she thinks that much of you — once again, there is beauty.
Remember this: No woman’s existence should ever rest on the words of any man. They are already beautiful, and they will always be beautiful… never attempt to take that away from them.