10 Things Only Short Girls Understand

1. The importance of an appropriate neckline. Unless you’re wearing a turtleneck, your cleavage (or lack thereof) is everyone’s business, all the time.

2. The hatred of tall girls. For some reason, they all seem to think that we purposely grew up short, and are trying to steal all guys from them, forever.

3. Sitting on people’s laps/getting squeezed into the trunk: any time that people need to fit into a vehicle or confined space meant for less passengers than the actual size of the group, you are the one who gets “the short end of the stick.” Newflash, bitches, just because I’m short doesn’t mean that my legs don’t get cramps, too.

4. How to stand on your tippy-toes. Really, really well.

5. How to climb on countertops. If there isn’t a stool or a tall person around, we have to climb up on counters to reach things. We know to take our shoes and socks off first, lest we slip and crack our heads open, and how to clamber up furniture/cabinetry without letting anyone see up our skirts.

6. What not to wear. There are certain items of clothing – I’m looking at you, tube tops – that make a short girl look like a lumpy bag of awful.

7. How to use our height to our advantage. We may not intentionally steal all the guys, but if we can use our shortness to make ourselves seem cute and cuddly, we sure as hell will.

8. The power of an evil glare. Without height to make an intimidating impression, we are left with little weight to throw around. Every short girl in the history of the world learned to give a Level 5 Death Glare at an early age, because it’s the only form of physical intimidation left to us.

9. Where to stand in a photograph. If not properly vetted, a group shot will indeed make us look like Christmas elves – and force us to rub faces with other people’s armpits. Short girls stick together for photographs, or stand in front of groups, or strike a diva pose.

10. How to walk in heels. Ah, the short girl’s best friend. How does that clumsy girl you know manage to manueveur in 5-inch stilettos? Because she mastered the art of masking her height as soon as she was physically able. Plus, you know, they make your ass look fantastic.