On a warm December day in Michigan, my now husband got down on one knee and asked me to be his forever. We’d dated for 6 years through high school and college prior to getting engaged. I was immediately filled with overwhelming joy and thankfulness. Shortly after he popped the question, we set the date for a June wedding on Lake Michigan.
I was so excited to marry my best friend, but it was after things settled in that I began to hate being engaged. Here’s why…
Once you get that ring on your finger, your personal business immediately feels like it becomes everyone’s business. I was quickly bombarded with questions that caught me off guard and crossed through my personal boundaries. I got questions about the cost, the guest list, the message the officiant was giving, how the sex talk went in marriage counseling, and everything in between. I was frequently shocked by the questions I received and I didn’t know how to react. I constantly felt like my fiancé and I were under the microscope, and while others may love that attention, I really didn’t.
Looking back, I wish someone would have said, “hey let’s go shopping or go for a run…” or anything to give me a break from all of the questions and remind me that I’m a person and not just a bride to be, or future daughter in law, or future wife.
Pinterest gives you the false hope that all of us have a tiny wedding planner inside of our souls who can create elaborate weddings out of THIN air. I was great at visualizing what I wanted and bringing it together (sorry but I’m going to toot my own horn for a hot sec) BUT I didn’t like playing phone tag with the vendors, choosing the food, re-arranging the seating chart for the hundredth time, or writing up the invitations.
For me, the fun parts of planning included shopping for a dress, and picking out the flowers. Everything else was stressful and not enjoyable. Looking back, I wish I had hired an event planner to deal with everything and everyone so that I didn’t have to.
On many occasions during my engagement, I didn’t feel like the “normal” bride. There were a few things I did that may surprise people… I didn’t go to the cake tasting, the first time I visited the venue was the day of the wedding, I didn’t tear up when I picked out my wedding dress, I felt uncomfortable opening wedding presents in front of everyone, and I wasn’t jumping up and down with excitement every second of every day.
I felt like I didn’t fit the mold of “blushing bride” and so I was constantly second guessing myself. I couldn’t relate to many normal emotions and things brides have and do which made me feel isolated. Looking back I realize that each bride is completely different. We’re not all the same just because we’re technically a “bride”. I wish I’d known that then.
Even though being engaged was not for me, marriage is—and I love being married to my best friend.