10 Things We Quietly Say To Ourselves About Why We’re Not Skinny
What tastes as good as skinny feels? The answer is not nothing, no matter what Kate Moss wants you to think. The answer is anything and everything from cupcakes to pizza.
We’ve all pretty much heard — and given — every excuse under the sun to explain why we’re not skinny. This week it was because our boss just would not stop with the late-night meetings and next week, our best friend’s recent breakup will definitely be to blame (sympathy eating with your bestie is a thing, guys; I don’t care what you say).
We’re all guilty of reaching for the last piece of pie — and going for seconds, thirds and fourths on mom’s homemade mac ‘n cheese (let’s just hope no one is keeping tabs, though). Sure, we’re watching our waistlines … if by watching you mean filling them with lavish, delectable goodies and mouth-watering and deliciously tasty (pumpkin) treats. Because calories don’t count if no one saw you eat them. Right?
We’re eyeing our figures — watching them expand instead of sucking in every 15 minutes. I mean, okay, maybe we’re prepping for the holidays a little early this year. You know, getting a head start on our winter weight? Hibernation is real, okay? And we know how to excel at it.
Need more convincing to treat yourself? Take a look below at 10 of the best things we tell ourselves about why we’re not stick-thin, from “I’m probably getting my period” to “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Take that, gym selfies.
- “Because Rome wasn’t built in a day.” And let’s face it, neither were your abs.
- “Because that last piece of chocolate cake deserves love, too.” And you’re the one who’s gonna give it to ’em.
- “Because Kate Moss lied.” There are a million things that taste better than skinny feels — like peanut butter, pasta, ice cream sundaes and chocolate cream pie, for starters. Speaking from personal experience here, but what the hell do supermodels know about culinary masterpieces, anyway?
- “Because summer just ended.” So now you don’t need to worry about anyone seeing your stomach for the next six months. I’m sorry, was I supposed to be sad that bikini season ended? Because I’m not.
- “Because I had a really bad day at work today.” Because I had a really bad day at work today and I just need comfort foods and two bottles of wine and endless reruns of The Mindy Project to make me feel good again. You do you, girl.
- “Because calories don’t count if no one saw you eat them.” Right? Right?
- “Because I really hate leftovers, so I’m just going to eat it all!” I don’t like leftovers — and I’d hate to waste good food, so I should just eat all of this tonight.
- “Because I’m not going to lose any weight by starving myself.” And if I’m going to drag myself to the gym later, I need something to work off.
- “Because I’m probably getting my period.” Which means I should basically just give up now and eat my feelings.
- “Because you can always ‘start tomorrow’.” Today sucked? Who cares? I’ll start over again tomorrow.