I’m Sorry For All Your Heartache, Please Forgive Me

It is human nature to always want to be right. To never apologize. To our hold pride rather than to hold each other. I think if we are being honest with ourselves though, there are a few people who deserve apologies from us.

I know there are a few who deserve them from me.

I am sorry to the people who I have hurt with my words. I am even more sorry to the people who I hurt with a lack of words. If I am being honest, I am not sure which is worse, harsh words or silence. I have come to the realization that words are powerful, and it is so easy to use them for evil instead of good. I am sorry I learned this lesson too late in some cases. I am a work in progress, trying to learn how to use my words for good use, and I do not always succeed. I am by no means perfect. But I am trying everyday to make my words count, to make them meaningful, to spread kindness instead of putting more ugliness into the world.

There is certainly enough hate in the world, and I no longer wish to contribute.

I am sorry to the people who I hurt with my actions, or better yet, lack of action. I am sorry for walking away. For slamming doors. For disappearing without a trace. Gone with no return.

I am sorry for turning my back. In some cases the reasoning was there, the intentions were pure, but the actions were cowardly. Sometimes it takes time to realize the extent of our actions and I think time has taught me a few things. While walking away is sometimes the right thing, there are better ways to do it than some of the ways that I have.

I am sorry for the memories that were once beautiful that I turned into something haunting. I am sorry for the heartache.

I am sorry for fleeing when I should’ve fought.

Humans do a lot of things when they are hurt. Ugly, cowardly, tragic things. I run. I sense the heartbreak coming for me, and I end up hurting people before they can hurt me. People who I love. I run without any plan to return, never looking back to see the chaos that I’ve caused. It’s selfish and I have ruined a lot of good things to my dismay.

I am working on staying. I am working on being a fighter, not a flighter. To stay when things get scary.

Heartbreak is a part of life, but I am done actively inflicting it.

To whom this may concern, I am sorry. I’m sorry for it all. Even if you don’t forgive me.

Frankly though, it is time I forgive myself. It is time I forgive myself rather than holding myself prisoner to the mistakes that I have made. It is time that I accept the forgiveness that has been offered to me, or in some cases not offered to me. It is time to move on, to live and to learn.

I am sorry to the people I have hurt, even if they don’t forgive me. I forgive the people who have hurt me, even if they aren’t sorry. We are human. We mess up. We make mistakes.

Life is messy and hard, but it doesn’t have to be. I have found that a lot of the happiness can be restored when we realize that the lives around us matter. That every human deserves humanity.

To whom it may concern; I am sorry, I forgive you, and it’s time I forgive myself.