1. Web MD
We all know that even for the regular folk, Web MD is of the devil. Sure, it’s a great resource for when our kids “may” need to go to the doctor, but when it comes to our own selves? It’s a not a nope, it’s a hell to the nope. You’re wavering fingers try not type in the web address but you can’t help yourself. You take the plunge…and it’s a wave of horror with every symptom. Severe headaches? Tumors, brain cancer, and my favorite if you happen to watch, “Monsters Inside Me”, nesting worms inside your brain. We just know it is one or all of the three. Let the worries commence.
2. Mysterious body pain
Let’s say you wake up with a deep pain in your left inner thigh. You move around to see if it is a muscle strain from a previous workout or perhaps taking out the trash. It’s not either of those after going over the previous day’s activity, yet it’s there. It could be a blood clot moving up your femoral artery, making its way towards the tower that is your brain. Commercials on television aren’t much help either. If you have upper back pain, that could signal kidney failure. Vaginal mesh commercials are interesting because you may have vaginal prolapse, ya just don’t know.
3. Friend and family “concern”
When a person is already terrified of strange symptoms, innocent comments from others can and will cause a major freak out. The term, “Take care of yourself”, takes on an entirely new meaning when your mother gives you a hug. Loved ones seem to hug you more, spouses want to sleep with you more, and kids constantly say they love you. It is all hypersensitivity but we wonder, “Are they sensing our oncoming death?” It’s more than likely that we are showing vulnerability instead of waiting for the death cart to come by and retrieve our body.
4. Weighing the risk
I don’t know about you, but I love going out with my friends. The problem lies in the fact that food poisoning from a restaurant, an accident on the way to the establishment, or perhaps one small germ from a worker that didn’t wash their hands before preparing my meal all weigh heavily on my mind. Some yahoo sous chef in the kitchen could have scratched his ass without washing his hands. It’s a weigh-weigh situation.
5. Overdoing it
When hypochondriacs flow through their day, they do all they can to prevent illness. Excessive doctor appointments, too many supplements, and over-thinking on what germs may come in contact with their hand while touching a table at a restaurant can be serious over-kill. It gets to the point that you may be hindering your body instead of helping your health.
Not many people understand the full extent of a true hypochondriac’s brain screws but at the end of the day, here’s to hoping the rest of the public washes their hands after wiping their ass and that people with true mental disorders aren’t ridiculed by others when they refuse to shake hands. As my daughter says, “Calm your tits, it’s all gonna be okay.”