If you’re going to hurt me, make sure you destroy my heart into pieces.
Make me hate you, make me want to tell you to die, make me not want to see you again. Be someone I regret being with so it will be easier for me to forget you.
But that’s not what happened with us.
That wasn’t the reason we drifted apart.
We drifted because you fell out of love with me.
It was painful and I had to watch it and I couldn’t do anything to save it, to save us. I watched it go slowly, fade until there was no love left. And it took me so long to let go because you left so many unanswered questions.
It was painful for me to notice that things weren’t the same anymore, that you were no longer the same guy that I fell in love with.
It was painful to notice that you don’t look at me the same way as you did before. Yet when I looked at you, I looked at you with feelings.
It was painful to notice that you were no longer making plans to see me as often as you did before because my presence no longer excited you. Yet you were the only person I wanted to see every single day.
It was painful to see you change your priorities in life and I was no longer a part of it yet you were my first priority, even more than myself.
You are the reason why I am scared to love and trust again.
Because one day it was full of words like, ‘I love you forever’, and ‘I don’t want to lose you,’ and then the next day it was ‘I’m not sure anymore,’ and ‘This is no longer what I want.’
It hurt when you left without hesitation and I’m left with nothing but a love still so strong for you. It stings a little because I find myself suddenly losing my mood when people ask me “what went wrong?” because I honestly still don’t have the right words to answer that question.
But I hope that you find what you are looking for.
I hope that you are happier now; I hope you’re no longer struggling with finding yourself and knowing who you really are even though I am no longer a part of your journey.
I’m saying this because I wont be mad at you anymore for not holding on to your words. I forgive you because bitterness is just another way of holding on, and you don’t belong here anymore.