Please don’t take it personally when you ask me what I’m thinking and I tell you, “Nothing in particular.”
You see, what I’m really saying is that my mind is a dysfunctional atlas that is sprawled out across my bed. It has coffee stains, rips and tears, making it harder to read. It has unlimited shortcuts and pitstops. It is filled with conniving detours and one-way roads that often lead me in the wrong direction.
In the mind of this overthinker, you will find mountains made out of mole hills and rivers made from everyone’s broken promise that I held close. There is a compass that has been worn off the page, so I often lose our sense of direction. Instead, I close my eyes and place my finger on the map, and that is how I choose my destination.
From there, my mind goes into overdrive, and I start constructing every possible route that can get me to my destination. Because I can’t have a single thought and simply let it disappear.
When I think, I obsess. And when I obsess, I cannot think of anything else. I am horrible at building relationships because I analyze every con to allowing someone into my life. I will find every reason as to why something will go wrong and every reason as to why it would never go right. I’ll often make the wrong turn and get lost trying to find my way back.
So please, forgive me if I ever break down on the way. Just know that I was just so obsessed with getting there that I forgot to stop and fill up with gas. And I rarely get to where I want to go, because I am constantly running on empty.