This Is How You Broke Me

You broke me the night you lied to me when you came to her. You broke me when all I ever wanted was you to be real with me. You broke me when I trusted you, and all you ever did was break whatever’s left of me. It broke me even more when I knew you were lying then, but I cannot stop you anymore. You broke me when you called her your best friend, but treated her more than one.

You broke me when you called her your best friend when I was the one who saw more of you than she did. With just so little time, she became more important to you than I ever did.

Sometimes I wonder if I was just a hindrance of what you and her could have been, a pit stop along the way, a pause in between, a coffee break before the real thing. Sometimes I wonder whether what we ever had was real for you, may it was, maybe it wasn’t.

You broke me when you said you wanted me to stay, yet you were the one who left. You broke me when I did everything I could to make you stay, but she offered you only one thing and left me anyway.

You broke me when you did not believe in our love anymore. You broke me when you stopped believing in us.

I had to prove everyone that we can make it, that we will make it. But I knew we weren’t when out of all the people, it was you I had to prove it to.

You broke me with every chance we could have made up, you broke me with every time we could have been better. You broke me that when I needed you to help me mend the broken pieces, you left me alone to pick them up by myself.

You broke me when you had to think about letting go or holding on. Remember the day we agreed to think about it? I did not have to because I was certain I wanted us to last, I wanted you to stay.

But as the sun went down, the possibility of saving us came down with it. You chose to let go, you chose to let me go. I never thought it was possible to break the pieces even more.

You broke me when you said you had to end whatever we had because you loved me. You broke me with every I love you’s that weren’t meant for me. You broke every piece of me when you said you loved me, but never fought for me. You made me believe that your love was strong than our battles, when in reality, you have loved me less. I never saw it coming, that you loving me means you leaving me too.

You broke me when you didn’t choose me. You broke me that I wasn’t the only one. You broke me when you wanted to get rid of your options, so you got rid of me. You knew how I’ve always been set aside by everyone. And fucking hell did it hurt when you became one of them.

You broke me when you left me with all our memories. You broke me when you gave me so much to remember. I won’t ever forget the joy you brought to my life, but neither will I forget the pain that came with it.

You broke me that you are now with her. You broke me that it should have been me. You broke me that you can’t fight for me, but now you’re fighting for her. You broke me that I have given my all, but never was I enough for you. I was not enough, and never will be enough because your eyes are locked on her now.

It breaks me that I can’t talk to you anymore. It’s breaking me that I can no longer be friends with the person who broke me.

How can I ever look at the person who holds my heart, but at the same time breaks it into million pieces, leaving me behind to deal with the consequences of loving you?

You broke me beyond fixing. And you literally have no idea how things have been since you left me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret what we had. I only regret one thing. I regret that I knew you were breaking me, but I let you anyway.

And it’s destroying me that at this very minute, you’re still breaking every piece of what’s left in me.