It’s been months after the break up. I still remember every single memory we had. The pain still lingers, it keeps me up at night, it still hurts. No matter how much work I need to get done, no matter how many people I surround myself with, no matter how much alcohol my liver takes, my mind tends to wander about you, about us. What could have been us. What I did wrong. What could I have done to save us. I could never put into words everything that I have gone through to this point. There are no words to describe what I feel now.
It does get better sometimes, but only to an extent. I get those happy carefree days where I just laugh at everything. I get those days where nothing seems to be wrong, when everything feels just alright. But these days never last song. I would often find myself staying up late thinking about us. I would reread our last conversation. I would reread my last message where I asked you not to reply anymore. I would find myself looking through my hidden photos, the memories we created, the joys we cherished, the love we thought would last, the one thing I wanted to last.
But things aren’t anymore the same. You’ve changed, and have moved on. You’re happy with her. I’ve changed too. I can move again. But one thing still remains, I love you still just the same. I haven’t heard of my favorite song that’s been associated with you.It’s been months but those 3minutes and 31seconds of that songs brings everything bad, making me hate and miss you more than I should.
If this pain means seeing you happy, I’d take this pain in this whole lifetime. Seeing you happy, makes me happy. If this happiness does not include me, believe me honey, I am happy for you.
There are things I wish I did when I had the chance too. There are things I regret doing. Crying and crying and crying made me see clearer. Before I had you, crying was unusual, but since the day that you chose to leave me, these tears became my bestest friends, my only companion, and the one thing that never really left.
With your leaving, I saw my worth. I can now see what I deserve, and as much as I wish it to be, it will never be you. I deserve more than broken promises. I deserve more than juts being an option. I deserve more than your empty words. I deserve way more than you oﬀered to me. I deserve more than being a past time activity. I deserve to be the priority. i deserve to be the only one. Most of all, I deserve the love that lasts. I deserve to be fought for.
With your leaving, I knew myself more. I know what I deserve, and I’m getting what I deserve. I came to see who my real friends are. I realized how I neglected them for you. I’ve been seeing them every week, and there’s nothing more lovelier than having them by my side, even without you int it.
To the one I loved, but chose to leave me anyway, thank you. Thank you for choosing her over me for I have realized how so little I was for you. I will never be enough for you and you will never be the one deserve.
I wish you noting but genuine happiness. I will always pray that you are always alright.
Theres nothing more I want for you than to be truly happy.
So the one I loved, but chose to leave me anyway,
I love you still
in the most beautiful and painful way there is.