I don’t know what better way to start this except that I had sex for the first time in 2 years and it sucked. Really sucked. Let me give you a little background. I had a pretty normal sex life before I decided to go celibate a little over 2 years ago. One friend says I shouldn’t use that word but rather go with abstinence because this is really a break and not some thing I did for a higher purpose a word like celibacy makes it out to be. Fair enough, ill go with abstinence if that would please the wonderful populace of the internets. Plus I don’t think arguing over semantics changes anything.
Ask me on different days why I decided to stop having sex and ill probably give you a different answer daily, it depends on my mood. One day I play the jilted lover card, next its the religious nut job and sometimes my absolute favourite, the one where I play the worn out man-whore whose tasted the entire menu and just wants to visit the restaurant for the ambience and chat-chit. The reason and motive at this point doesn’t matter at all. I admit, my favourite pastime is changing the story each time someone asks then watching their reaction. Good times!
When you haven’t had sex for a long time, you reach a point where it doesn’t feel like a priority anymore. It pretty much gets relegated to the last tier on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. For me, that point of departure came in month 3.
They say it takes 21 days to break a habit, well to put it politely, that’s bullshit. It takes however long you want it to take! There are so many factors at play; from your environment and exposure to triggers, to your emotional state and psychological frame of mind etc. Its not cut and dry. That was about the same with my journey. Some days were hard and some were easy. The temptation will chip at your will daily and you have to strengthen your resolve each time. When you’re celibate for as long as I was, you’re bound to get worn out and the cracks begin to show when you start thinking about the day you’re going to have sex again.
My day of reckoning, the day that saw my walls of fortitude come down was like any other. I met a girl weeks prior, no different than any other but time spent together and familiarity, the deadliest combination for two lonely people, made the friendship seem like more than it was. A dash of alcohol in the mix one night meant the maidens cheek blushed with excitement and her temperament rose more giddy and agreeable than ever. The young stud with his veins rushing with machismo created by a vat’s produce, strutted with confidence and bandied more wit than a Woody Allen protagonist. Innuendo and banter was served at the table, sparks flew between the two and before the night was through lips had locked and hips had swayed to music only them two could hear. But this midsummer nights dream had an interlude.
I would like to say the woman took care of me and didn’t make it awkward at all. Because I am not one to keep secrets, she knew about my situation and was accommodating. My friends were happy to know there was no crymaxing involved so I got their approval there at least. The sex wasn’t the problem, it went well for someone who had been MIA for that long, but the problem was with me. After staying so long without having sex, celibacy was my default state, all I ever knew. The post-sex state was like getting that “now what?” feeling after eating the last spoonful of Nutella from the jar -you want to go back but you can’t. The remorse and guilt of it all came crashing down on me a few days later and I didn’t cope with it well.
I wish I could tell you there is some great lesson I learned from this or that I got my act together and hobbled back to the celibacy life. Nope. I felt some shame but then I realized that I’m a grown man and sex is just what grown men do. Long story short; I got my balls back. My return to the game was like the first sip of beer in my adolescence, the taste was horrible but I had to get over it with the quickness. My thing now is to get to back to dating with all the benefits. Like the great poet Ginuwine said, “my pony let’s do it, ride it my pony. My saddle’s waiting honey, jump on it.”