I used to fight my own battles silently, and it was never easy for me. People thought I was doing well all along because I was just smiling most of the time. Little did they know that almost every night, I just cried myself to sleep. I kept wondering where it all went wrong. I thought that maybe I was not deserving of love at all, or maybe I was a terrible person who pushed all the people who loved me away.
When I closed my eyes, everything came back to me—the trauma, the painful goodbyes, the broken friendships, the unexpected deaths, the heartbreaking rejections. The pain rippled inside me every time.
I thought I was in the deep end, but that was until I finally decided to see my worth and began to prioritize myself. I was busy trying to pick up my shattered pieces and rebuilding myself when someone came and changed my life.
I tried pushing him away, given the fact that it was the only thing I used to be incredibly good at. I thought maybe one day he would get tired and give up on me, just like everybody did.
He entered my life without knowing that he actually saved me from all the insanity and the chaos I had been dealing with for so many years.
But he made it seem like loving me was as easy as breathing. He made me feel like his love was as certain as the sun setting every day.
For the first time, I experienced what it was like to have the car door waiting open for me whenever we went out on a date. He constantly surprised me with my favorite flowers and comfort food. There were times he dropped everything and came running to me just to save me from having another breakdown.
Even if I became stronger on my own, I never thought I needed someone to hold my hand whenever I doubted myself. I loved it when he hugged me when I was feeling hopeless and hugged me even tighter when I thought of giving up. He made sure that I wouldn’t ever have to fight my silent battles alone again and vowed to protect me and my peace all the time.
After all the pain and the sleepless nights, it all finally made sense to me. Now, I completely understand why I had to go through all the heartaches and why I had to wait. Timing is everything indeed.
Choosing myself was the best decision I have ever made in my life. It allowed me to see my worth so that I wouldn’t ever have to settle just to get my heart broken again. And learning what I truly deserved led me to being with the man who knew exactly how I should be loved.
I am way too blessed to experience this kind of love that I never imagined I would ever have. I hope everyone gets to find theirs too.