I Wish You Were Still Alive And Here By My Side
LifeGrief

I Wish You Were Still Alive And Here By My Side

The day I lost you was the day my heart got shattered in so many pieces. I could not even fathom how I overcame it. It was the very first time I experienced a real heartbreak, the kind that broke even my soul.

Honestly, I thought I was ready for that moment, and that I had prepared enough to let you go. But it was never the case. I would never be ready, even if it happened over and over again.

I miss you more and more each day. Ever since you passed away, not a day has gone by that I did not think of you. Most of the time, I just cry myself to sleep.

Whenever I miss you, I just close my eyes, because it’s the only time that I can see your smile again. It’s the only moment I can relive our memories and pretend that you are still right here beside me.

Many years have passed, but nothing and no one could ever fill the void that you left. They said things would be fine eventually, but I do not think I’ll ever get over the pain that I’ve been dealing with for so long.

My heart still aches for every milestone I had without you by my side. You missed so many birthday celebrations. You didn’t even see me graduate. But I missed you the most during the holidays, because they were never the same without you.

As a little girl, I dreamed of having a wedding, and you would be there crying as I walked down the aisle. Now just the thought of it hurts me even more because I know it’ll never happen.

How I wish you were still here with me as I conquer the real world. I had no idea that it would be this hard to be an actual adult. I wondered so many times how much easier it would be if you were just alive to talk me through this.

I thank you for all the things that you did and everything you taught me while I was growing up. I am also grateful for the things that you continue to teach me even though you’re gone.

You were my anchor, and when you left, my entire world just collapsed. But it also taught me the best lessons in life.

Your absence helped me grow to be a strong independent woman. Now, I am no longer scared of anyone leaving me because no amount of heartbreak could ever beat the pain of losing a loved one for good.

You taught me that people will always leave, and it will be okay if they would never come back. The most important things are the memories they left, because they will never be replaced.

Most importantly, you taught me to love and to take care of myself. You taught me to be my own best friend.

Wherever you may be right now, I hope you are proud of what I have become. I have been trying my best to be that little girl you always dreamed of being successful one day.

God knows that I would do anything to kiss and hug you again for one last time. It still breaks my heart that we did not even have the chance to say goodbye.

But, I know that the perfect time will come and we will meet again. And when that moment arrives, I’ll wrap you in my tight embrace, and I would never let you go this time.

Never again, I promise. TC mark

Related

An inspiring writer who is too busy pursuing her dreams. Follow Kurtney on Instagram or read more articles from Kurtney on Thought Catalog.