It’s Still Her And It Will Always Be Her

For years, I have learned to be happy on my own. I have learned to take good care of myself and to love myself. I have learned what I want and what I need. It has been a tough journey to truly know one’s self but I made it through it all. For the first time, I felt complete and worthy.

That was until I saw you.

It was an ordinary day until your familiar face came back to existence. At first, you were just a friend. But, things went well unexpectedly. You have always been a shoulder to lean on. We have been talking a lot without us even noticing it.

Things were flowing smoothly but I had to put my head first before my heart. I’ve been hurt so many times and I had a hard time building myself again. I worked so hard to find my worth and to love myself. It took me years to stand on my own. I couldn’t afford for another guy just to waste everything that I have worked for.

Little by little, the butterflies in my stomach started roaming and I just couldn’t ignore it. I’ve told you million times that I’ve had a hard time trusting people, especially men. I reiterated how done I am with relationships. But, you told me to let my walls down and be carefree. You told me to just go with the flow and be truly happy. You told me to trust you.

And I did.

I let my guards down and trusted you. You gave me your word that we’d make it work. You reassured me every day how much you loved me. You would pick me up daily and made sure I’d make it home safely. You introduced me to your friends and to your family. I’ve given you all of me. I’ve given you my body, my heart and my soul. I gave you everything I could just to make you happy.

I thought I was already happy being alone, but then, you made me happier. You filled in a space within me that I never thought existed. I felt more complete than ever.

Until I saw you with her.

I saw you with the girl your heart has been beating for throughout the years. I have seen your smile and I can say that you were genuinely happy because that’s how I smile whenever I am with you. That girl once made you happy the way you made me happy. And it broke me, it shattered my soul. How can I compete against history? It would be a devastating battle knowing I’d lose before even starting. I should’ve known that it’s still her and it will always be her.

Now, tell me, how do I put myself back together?