You were sleeping like an insomniac finally cured from his debilitating disorder, and I treasured every second of watching you from the other side of the bed. It was the most amazing thing, to be able to lie only inches away from you and to feel the warmth of your breath on my skin. Your arm was sprawled across my chest while your other hand held mine, and our fingers were meshed on top of one another. Our legs were intertwined into one tangled mess, but everything still fit perfectly like the individual, uneven pieces of a complicated puzzle. All our pieces, some pitted or containing protrusions, gracefully complemented one another to create an image that I could forever marvel on. We have built something beautiful, you and I. Everything fit like we were made to be together.
Now I finally understand what on earth they all mean when they say you are the missing piece.
When I was a kid, I used to constantly have troubles sleeping at night without my little brother placing his feet on top of mine. After convincing him to do so, I would instantly fall into the most pleasant kind of sleep I’ve ever had. It was comforting to feel the heat of another living body against my own because it made me feel safe. Lying next to you felt a million times better. It felt right whenever my feet brushed over yours or when you would turn your head toward mine and I would see your beautiful face. It was the same face that I have mapped over from your carefully pursed lips to your button nose and tired eyes. Half-asleep, you would open those eyes, and in the dimness of the room I watched them twinkle like the stars that little children sang of. I told you how beautiful I thought they looked, but you only moaned drowsily as I spoke, making me chuckle while I kissed your hands.
Who knew falling asleep could be such an entirely different experience when you fall into it with the person you love?
All throughout my life I have spent innumerable sleepless nights because of infinitely many reasons which I cannot name. If I had you beside me on those nights, I probably never would have wasted so much time helplessly worrying how I could find my slumber. I could have just looked right next to me and saw you there, and guaranteed, you would have instantly calmed the panic in my head. You would have given me tranquility where tranquility is due because you have been my rest all this time. You taught me how to let go of my anxieties one by one, and now I can revel in the quiet you have delivered to my mind. You gave me the serenity that I have always yearned for. You are my peace.
In the middle of that beloved peace, you called out my name in the same groggy voice that you always used to wake me up at five in the morning, when you would ask for me to come to you, and I would immediately oblige. Because I missed you. We had breakfast together and returned to sleep in each other’s arms. In the middle of that beloved peace, you asked me how I felt and if I were sweating because you were, and it was the only thing preventing me from wrapping my whole being around yours. I would look at you and see you smiling with your eyes closed, and my heart would stop because I loved you. That was when the peace engulfed me whole, and I surrendered every infliction I had. It was when I realized that the pain meant nothing to me. You were patching me up, loving every hated fiber of my body, and showing me I was capable of doing the same.
You often slept alone, and I made it a point to remind you that you didn’t have to. Not anymore. I never told you how much I admired your bravery. You guarded yourself from harm and from pain and from all of the unnecessary torment in this world. I would expect you to be the one withering in agony, but you never did. You told me that the world was not at fault for all the hurt we felt, the people were. You saw the good in everything around you, in the unfortunate circumstances that life had put you through, and in me. You saw good and found incredible ways to make it better. You never let the challenge compel you into giving up. Instead of crying in the face of death, you would dance with him. You were living the best out of your life because you were strong.
Do not let me drag you down into the gates of hell where my demons reside. Continue upholding your own heaven, and if you can, take me with you.
Let the calm you enjoy wash over me as well. For now, do not break this bond. Let your happiness be my happiness, and let mine be yours. That is love, and I do believe what we have is an abundance of love. I am here now, so you never have to sleep alone. Allow me to be your strength. Make me see what you see. Sleep with me until the end of time.