Accepting the eternal departure of someone you know is never easy. In a way, it’s just like high school. Enduring it requires sheer willpower, and you probably had experienced some form of depression during that difficult period of your life.
Do people ever ‘get over’ a death of someone they know? Highly unlikely. While it is definitely possible to accept the fact that someone has disappeared from your life forever, one can never completely forget about something that have scarred them so deeply in the past.
It doesn’t matter how long you have known that person. He or she could be someone from your immediate family, or even someone you have just met a few days ago. The truth is that the pain resides, though it varies from person to person depending on the cause of death, how close that person was to you, how long you have known that person, and so many other factors.
However, the greatest blow one can ever receive in such a situation is not getting a chance to say goodbye before the tragedy hits you like a train during rush hour. The fact that your lover will never hear the things you were always too afraid to say, that you will never get another chance to apologise to your best friend for screaming at him/her during your last argument — it kills you. You are always thinking about what you could have done to prevent such an unpredictable thing from occurring, what you would say to them if they ever were to come back to life again, and most of all; how much of a selfish, heartless, and ignorant person you were to NOT prevent it from happening. I mean, these things CAN happen, right?!
Our brains go full-blown haywire whenever we are faced with such an incident — it’s no secret. It tries to find countless solutions to an unforeseen problem that has already happened and can never be rectified. In fact, if you think about it, they are not so much solutions as they are additional problems. Your brain tells you, “maybe you should have warned your daughter not to cross the street today so that she wouldn’t have been run over by a car”, and before you can completely process that information, it adds, “but you didn’t, and NOW look what happened. You are such a horrible person!”. Funny how the brain has always been referred to as the powerhouse of logic, eh?
It is difficult to accept the cold, hard truth, but there was absolutely nothing you could have done to save someone’s life since you did not have any prior knowledge of the incident. You could beat yourself up for three years and imprison yourself at home, but always ask yourself this: “is this what he/she would have wanted? Is this drunk and washed up hobo the kind of person I would want him/her to see?”. You know the answer.
Remember, you do not have any less potential than before that person in your life departed. They were a part of your life for a reason, and vice versa. The fact that they left does not give you any reason or excuse to be any less of the person that they would be proud of.
They never gave up on you. It’s time you embraced their hopes for you and flourish into a stronger person.