An Open Letter To The Boy I Let Go

image - Flickr / Rebekah Padovan
image – Flickr / Rebekah Padovan

People say love is complicated. For me, it felt like the easiest thing in the world. It was easy and uncomplicated for the first few months and truthfully speaking, I don’t even remember the moment that I made myself emotionally vulnerable to someone like you.

When I look back on that phase in my life, I berate myself time and again for missing the signs, which were staring me in my face.

It took me a month to realize that you weren’t the person I thought you were, and somewhere deep down, the undercurrents of selfishness and greed ran deep within you.

It took me three months to get myself out of the lovey-dovey phase and finally make myself see the mess that my life was becoming because of you.

It took me six months to tell myself that I was losing my self-respect because of all the excuses I made for you.

It took me eight months to realize that you were my blessing in disguise because you taught me that one can go through even the mightiest strifes and still emerge unscathed.

It took me a year to finally muster up the courage to say no to you and tell you all that was wrong with you and me.

It took me a year and a half to realize that whatever I was feeling about you was just an illusion, an image my mind had created so I didn’t have to deal with the pain of accepting that you weren’t as perfect as I made you out to be.

You made me feel worthless and broken. You made me feel like I didn’t deserve you, when in fact it was the opposite. You were dependent on me. You needed me so much that when I finally got the courage to leave you, it broke you into two, while I was left shaken but unbruised.

I can’t say that I don’t miss you. I miss all the moments that we spent together, the memories we shared, our little inside jokes and most of all, I miss us. What we used to be, and what we thought we could be. Maybe you changed and maybe I did too. Maybe these maybes are all we have left to remind us of our past.

I don’t know if I regret the decisions I made in life. Sometimes I do. But mostly I just know that somewhere out there, there is something better waiting to happen. For both of us. TC mark

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