I was always the larger gal of the group. At the age of 17 I was wearing a US size 16/18. No guy ever took me seriously because of my weight until I was about 20 years old, that’s when I got into my first serious relationship. I spent teenage years thinking I was too fat be in a relationship, I never felt like I fit the “mold” of the girl that is worthy of getting male attention. Today, I still don’t any type of mold and that is okay with me, as I stand with the average size American female at a size 14.
Being plus size isn’t the easiest thing to be in the dating community but we are here pulling-through while trying to snag our soul mate and live happily ever after. If monogamy is your sorta thing, here’s NOT what to do while dating a plus size female.
1. Buy us clothing without telling us.
This is such a great gesture, but a great risk to buy a plus-size lady clothes. We are all different sizes all around our body. There’s nothing more awkward when we receive a gift and it doesn’t fit, especially from our significant other. This doesn’t mean buy us loose fitting clothing or spandex pants; that’s kind of an insult. If you want to surprise your lady with clothes, sneak-a-peek of the tags on their favorite garments and ask what their favorite store is, just to get an idea of their sizing.
2. Make us feel like a fetish.
With the plus-size movement growing and becoming more acceptable in today’s society, people are not afraid to admit their preference for a rounder woman. Just keep in mind, the rounder female woman that you prefer is a human being and has feelings. Understand her, treat her like a queen rather than objectifying her because she looks a certain way. Show that you love her body and tell her why.
3. Compare us to other women.
Not all big girls are confident in their curves. Walking past a Victoria’s Secret store next to their partner can probably make some of plus-size females feel insecure. Don’t say things like, “You should wear something like that,” while the person wearing it is stick-thin and a supermodel; we can’t live up to those standards, we never will. This also doesn’t have to be verbal, with social media taking over our lives. Liking female pictures that are completely opposite of us is just annoying, even to the most confident plus size ladies.
4. Talk about weight.
Unless it’s about our health, do not talk about our weight. Don’t say we are “too big” to do or wear certain things. We know our limits. Most importantly, do not call other people fat, especially other females around us. There’s nothing more frustrating than when someone calls someone else fat and the person is thinner than you. There are no excuses; just don’t do it. Saying that we need to lose weight and you will help us by losing weight together doesn’t make us feel good either. If we wanted to lose weight, we would try to.
5. We are more than a pretty face.
Compliments are something that should always be appreciated but telling someone that they have a “pretty face” over and over again is translating into a thousand other things. We call this the “Pretty Face Syndrome,” when people compliment your face because they dislike everything else about you. And it is never a good feeling; it’s almost like telling us to stop eating because being overweight is tarnishing our pretty face. Beauty doesn’t have a size.
6. Tell us what to eat.
Sadly, in American culture being overweight is common but ironically frowned upon. So if a person goes throughout their life overweight (like myself) you will be made fun off and feel ridiculed for what you put in your mouth. More often than not, your girlfriend has tried certain diets and researched healthy foods throughout her life. We know that you care and of course when things get to an extreme, tell us. Other than that, trust that we know what is bad for us. Putting a plate of pasta in our body is our decision.
7. Blame our weight.
The blame game is the quick response to anything we say. It is the easy way for our significant others to call us fat or that we should lose weight. Complaining about headache results in hearing, “Maybe you should lose some weight.” Or saying something completely random as in “I have so many mosquito bites,” and hearing an ignorant half-joking response such as, “Maybe you shouldn’t eat so many sweets.” Comments like this are not funny or helpful; they are insulting and completely stupid. Don’t be rude.
8. Point out our flaws.
Being plus size comes with a lot of “flaws.” You name it, I have it. Cellulite, stretch-marks, flat/wide feet, thighs bigger than some people’s waist, etc… As a plus size woman, I know of every dimple of cellulite and every stretch-mark on my body, so there’s no need for anyone to point them out. Not even my significant other. If I want to wear a crop top, I know there’s a chance my stretch-marks will show. I know when I wear shorts people probably notice my thunder thighs full of cellulite before they see my face but frankly, I do not give a shit. Celebrate your girlfriend, and tell her how beautiful she is.