Your sea foam green eyes had me from “how was your trip?” because you knew I was about to fall. Sinking for you, I could only hope you were sinking for me too. I opened my mouth to utter out a reply, but I don’t know that it mattered to you. All the chambers in my heart loaded, pounding together, again and again- thrumming like a jackhammer left without an operator. I think yours were too.
You called me out on all my faults, nervous, I gnawed my nails down to their beds. I had not expected any of that, the brutality, the honesty. I’m used to scraping bottom. I’ve grown accustomed to liars who moonlight as lovers, but you were a beacon in the night leading me into the shore after all my self-inflicted misdirection. Call it a compass, I’d call it compassion.
I remember pacing the planks with you and sharing every insecurity as easily as the world spins every day. You, standing there staring back at me. Listening intently, with the patience of a predator. I remember grabbing your hand, and you grabbing back just a little bit tighter. Ropes holding down the mast to take us out to sea with the wind at our back, and nothing to slow us down. A little liquid courage in our hearts, and those sea foam eyes sharing the clues.
You grabbed my face and sang your siren song, but you already had me before the words came out. You took me down within moments, your fingers tracing waves in my skin. I landed on your lips, and they felt like they were meant for me. I hadn’t tasted anything like your salt before. We were crashing into each other, waves lapping against the hollow decks, echoing us till it fades out against the rocky shore. We struck like lightning out on the open sea… faraway and distant, but the thunder still roared in my ribcage as you tucked yourself into my shoulder.
The sun washed over your face again, bright like the white sheet that covered us both. I couldn’t help but catch myself staring- but I caught you staring back every time I’d open my eyes. You had filled a void that I didn’t know was there, one that I wasn’t even aware of. Those eyes locked me in place like a sunbeam through shady trees, exposing the forest floor that I didn’t know I’d been buried under. I have stumbled through lovers before. I know how this puzzle plays, but this time I don’t want to pack up the pieces. I want this to be the one where we complete it.
You added green to my life when color had all but dissipated. I was used to the grays blending everything else together. We’re contrasting colors, it’s frightening. We balance like a razor blade on my teeth; it’s dangerous, but I’m holding it in place so it doesn’t slice me open. It’s terrifying when I’m wrapped up with you because my heart rings louder than a legion of choir bells. It beats faster than a pacemaker racing against the clock, keeping me alive while you’re in my arms. You tore through my heart like an explosion below deck, destroying all the foundation I’d created. I still wonder if you’re clearing space to build your own home or just to leave me empty and alone.
I’m still afraid of that riptide tearing me back, drowning me again like all the others. Hold me above water and I promise I won’t ever falter.