I Lost Hope Looking For Love Last Year

woman standing near a fence
Tanja Heffner / Unsplash

We are all desperate for love. Hungry for affection. Thirsty for the warmth.

We all want love to come knocking at our doors, because why not? Love makes the world go round.

My world before I knew love was just a series of getting lost on highways that led to places unknown. I walked, I ran. I even crawled, begging for love to chase after me for once.

I begged for it to find me.

I begged for it to stay longer.

And then, I begged for some more.

We always want more. We want more hugs, more kisses. More love letters, more flowers. More affection, more and more and more. We never stop asking for more until we lose it.

In the end, we realize it was never love at all. I realized I only wanted it because it’s what everyone else had. They had love and I didn’t. I kept telling myself this until I forgot about all the other loves I was receiving from the people who had always been there for me.

I kept looking for someone to love and forgot to appreciate the person standing before me. I forgot that I even cursed that person for not being beautiful enough. I looked at the mirror and thought to myself,

“I’m not thin enough.”

“My nose isn’t pointed enough.”

“My hair isn’t smooth enough.”

“My skin isn’t bright enough.”

“My eyes aren’t big enough.”

“My legs aren’t long enough.”

Everything was not good enough until I realized that I wasn’t good enough, not even for myself. And if I’m not good enough for myself, then who am I?

Who am I to ask for love if I don’t love myself? Who am I to love anyone else when I can’t even make myself feel important? Who am I to walk, run and crawl the highway of love if I can’t even ride my own skin?

So I lost hope looking for love last year, and I realized it’s not the kind of love you can get from anyone else…

It’s the kind of love you can only give to yourself.

I forgot to do that last year, so I’m doing it this year.

You should, too.

Tell the people who have always been there for you, supported and loved you through thick and thin, how much you really care for them. Show them how grateful you are because they stayed even when they had the choice to leave.

Show them that you are getting enough love. And to do that, you have to love yourself more. You have to respect yourself and accept your every flaw.

You have to see the beauty in you because you are beautiful. You are the sun and you deserve to shine. You are the queen and you have to fix your own crown.

You deserve more from this world, and you deserve more than what you are giving yourself. TC mark

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